They tried to make me go to rehab I said no, no, no.........

After a week hiatus Teen Mom is back and it's better than ever!!! Ok, maybe not that exciting but I'm glad it's back to entertain us for yet another week.  Sooooooo here we go!!!!!

Farrah

Our favorite freakin flighty Farrah is back in full force this episode.  She has lost her free babysitting because the state thinks she makes too much money (obviously the state thinks being a pizza cook is a real money maker), so she has hired her "friend" Ali to babysit.  Why is that in quotations you ask?  Well, b/c I just don't believe Farrah has actual friends.  Everyone that is considered her friend always has a side job.  Babysitter, hairdresser, etc.  I guess the hair dresser was actually doing hair this week b/c she wasn't featured.  Or, Farrah may have pressed charges on her after a bad dye job, I'm sure we'll find out soon.  Anyway, Ali is the designated babysitter this week.  Farrah's down to her last $100 and rent is due in 15 days.  So, Ali's technically babysitting for free or for airtime I'm not sure which one.  Ali seems to be doing okay with the babysitting and Sophia seems to like her.  Well I mean besides looking as passed out as a freshman at a frat party and screaming for her binky Sophia seems to be doing okay.  Ali tells Farrah that babysitting is really hard (you know b/c of the wetables) and that Farrah deserves a break.  Ali suggests speed dating you know, b/c dating is really what Farrah needs to be doing while she's stressing out about her child and having no money to pay her bills.  Farrah agrees.  I mean no harm no foul right?  I can't WAIT.  Farrah shows up at speed dating.  She is #2 which  by judging by the look on her face is exactly what she is wanting to do at that moment.  She sits down and we get to see the dates.  We get weird nice guy, weird cat guy, and weird Thai tattoo kickboxing guy who basically goes speechless when Farrah mentions her daughter.  Wow, what winners!  Which one will she choose??!   She decides to go home without picking any of the eligible bachelors.  I think it's the smartest choice she's made since she's been on the show.  She also discusses the speed dating disaster with Ali and doesn't even do the "Farrah cry".  Is our little girl growing up?  Way to go Farrah!

MACI (And Kyyyyyle)

Hey yaaaaaaa'llllll!  Maci's back!  Her relationship with Kyle is going well and she's thinking about the big "M" word.....moving!  They start out the episode with another kid friendly activity, putting Bentley on a dirt bike.  Have they heard of a swing set or slide?  That works well too you guys.  Anyway, most of this episode is spent on Maci trying to decide whether to move the 2 hours from Chatanoooga to Naaashville.  Can someone update me on how long they've been together?  Is this a little soon for anyone?  Oh well, from this episode we find out that Maci and Kyle have never spent more than a week together and that Kyle's never had a girlfriend before.  I'm crossing my fingers AND toes on this one b/c I really like them.  Maci drops Bentley off at baby daddy/douchebag Ryan's house so she can take her final and discuss transferring to NTSUuuuuuuuu.  She tells the counselor she's transferring for "personal reasons" but he obviously has heard that one and asks "what's his name".  Does the counselor have cable?  His name is Kyyyyyyle and he lives in Nashvillllleeee!  Anywhooo it looks like things are good with transferring.  Time to look at daycares!  Maci checks out a daycare in Nashville.  Everything's going well and then "boom goes the dynamite".  Bentley calls Kyyyyle "dada".  Way to test that one out Bentley.  Kyle plays cool but you can tell that one shook him up a bit.  Later Maci breaks the news to her friends.  They're disappointed but supportive.  Looks like Maci's taking Bentley and her accent to Nashvillllleee!

Amber & Gary

Back to the our favorite couple, Gary and Amber.  In this episode, Amber wants to finish up high school and move on to bigger and better things.  She can either go to an online high school and get her diploma for $350 or take the G.E.D. for $60.  She discusses it with Gary.  He decides G.E.D. so in true Amber fashion she disagrees with him.  She decides to go see her counselor for advice.  While talking to the counselor Amber mentions how she doesn't want to be judged by others for getting a G.E.D. instead of a diploma (Amber, you're on a reality show. You're going to be judged just for that fact).  The counselor talks her into getting a G.E.D. and you hear the voice over say "Gary was right".  Gary, did you hear that?  She said you were right.  True it was just a voice over, but it's on tape.  I hope he dvr'd tonight's episode.  Later they decide to go to an arcade to have a fun family night together.  They're all in the inflatable castle together and Leah is less than amused.  Question:  isn't there a weight/height limit for those things?  I'm pretty sure they're breaking ALL the rules on that one.  Anyway, Amber tells Gary that she has decided to take her G.E.D. and that it will require many sacrifices.  Mainly, her having to quit her job and Gary having to get a job.  Gary agrees and all is well.  He even tells Amber if she passes that he'll take her out to dinner.  She says she'd rather come back to the arcade and have dinner. Really Amber?  He said he'd buy you dinner.  At least do Olive Garden or some place that actually has real silverware.  Later on Amber is studying for the G.E.D. and Gary give his famous "piss Amber off one time each episode line" (I think it's contractual)  by saying " I want to marry a woman who's on her game."  Watch what you say Gary....watch what you say!   Amber decides to go and take the practice test at the library.  Apparently no one in their town reads b/c I see absolutely no one at this library.  Not even someone checking out books or anything.  Amber really struggles with the test.  She asks Gary if there are any smart pills or vitamins that can help her get smarter.  Gary mentions listening to Mozart.  He says (and I quote) "Listening to Mozart makes you like 50% smarter, it's scientific".  Thank you for that Gary.  Thank you SO much.

Moving on to Tyler and Catelynn and what I was really waiting on....

 Butch!!!

Yes everyone, Butch is back!  With his Joe Dirt mullet and all, Butch is out of jail and back at home for the moment and everyone seems happy with his return.  Tyler's kissing Catelynn, Tyler's dad is kissing Catelynn's mom, Catelynn's brother is kissing a wall (?), yep life is good.  Well that is until 5 minutes in when Butch gets the call telling him he's been ordered to go to rehab....for the 8th time!  Butch has to break the news at Tyler's mom's house and to his relief they're just happy because he's not going back to jail.  For all my avid teen mom watchers I have a question.  Did you know that Tyler had a sister?  I feel like she just showed up tonight.  I've never seen her. Ok, back to the recap.  Catelynn's mom goes with Butch to drop him off at rehab.    You can just see from her face that she's upset and that she's not going to handle this well.  She cries and she and Butch hug and then he's off.  Then for about 4 minutes I feel like I'm watching Celebrity Rehab but I'm not.  Well unless you want to count Butch and his mullet as a celebrity....hmmm...  We find out he was addicted to cocaine.  Not crack though.  Crack is whack.  Just coke and that's it.  Catelynn and Tyler discuss Butch's rehab while at school.  Tyler's in full Pauly D Jersey Shore hair mode.  Cut to a 3 second appearance from what I think is one of Butch's friends (actually a teacher) reading out an assignment.  Thanks for giving us the shot of the teacher MTV, great camera work.  Later at the house Catelynn's mom is starting to go all mommy dearest on Catelynn.  She starts complaining that Catelynn won't participate in family time, then she starts making up rules, and finishes by bringing up Carly, cussing Catelynn out and walking out the door. Wow.  Her mom is going nuts.  Catelynn calls Tyler to come get her so she can get away for a bit.  They discuss the whole situation with Tyler's mom.  Tyler's mom suggests that Catelynn try to communicate more with her mom to help with the situation.   I'm constantly amazed with how rational Tyler's mom can be.  I'm also equally amazed at the fact that Tyler's dad managed to bag both Tyler's mom and Catelynn's mom.  High five for Butch.  Catelynn decides to come home where she finds her mom writing a love letter to Butch.  And here's a surprise for everyone, her mom's still in a pissy mood.  Catelynn decides to make it better by helping out around the house.  Cue in a cleaning montage.....In the end they make up and we all see that all Catelynn's mom wanted was a friend to distract her from Butch being gone.  MTV managed to start and end that drama all in one episode. Well played MTV, well played.

Well, stay tuned for next week when : Amber & Gary fight, Farrah & her mom go to therapy, Catelynn & Tyler go to prom, and Maci & Ryan fight over Bentley...should be a great one!

We've got a Situation!!!!

As promised I said I would be recapping this week's episode of Jersey Shore and I ALWAYS keep my promises so here we go!


Disclaimer: If you didn't watch tonight and don't want to know what happened stop here!

(If you don't recognize the couple above let me introduce you.  That's Ronnie and Sammi.  And they are just as dysfunctional this season as they were last season.  Let me update you on what went down tonight on Jersey Shore!)

To quickly recap last week, Snookie and JWoww wrote an "anonymous" letter to Sammi regarding Ronnie's infidelity and they have decided to give the letter to Sammi....I can smell the fuse burning from here people.

This episode starts out just like any other episode.  JWoww spends some quality time adjusting her enormous tatas and Snooki puts on her most "Gaga-esque" sunglasses to go out and party for Gay Pride Week.  The boys are up to no good at the club again.  When Snooki and Jwoww get back home Snooki decides it's about that time to make her drunken nightly phone call to her boyfriend Emilio.  She informs him of her night and to her surprise he's pissed about her hanging around gay men.  She's confused (hell I'm confused too) and they break up right then and there.  I'm still not sure exactly what happened but they're done and Snooki looks sad.  I feel bad for the chick.  She needs a real man in her life.

The boys come home from their partying and it looks like they dragged two "jersey chasers" (get it...jersey chasers??  you're welcome) home with them.  Mike, sensing he might not get any also invited another girl to the house as a back up.  Apparently she was DTF (if you don't know that term you better urbandictionary.com it. Sooo there was a 100% chance he was getting some that night.  Well...except for the fact that she brought her "hippo" friend with her.  Mike, taking advantage of ANY situation had a plan.  He put the jersey chasers in one room with Vinny and Pauly D and DTF/hippo in another.  The hippo went to sleep and everyone else had a blast.  Hope the producers refilled the Valtrex prescriptions after that night....

The next day Mike decides to to T & L and skip the G because he wants to cook the family dinner.  He wants anyone else who's not cooking to help clean.  Angelina I guess didn't hear him because her ear seems to be glued to the phone 24-7.  Seriously who is that interesting that you need to talk to them that much?  Newsflash!  You're in MIAMI!  Anyway, Mike gets home and the sitch hits the fan when he realizes that Angelina didn't help clean.  He yells at her and excludes her from dinner.  Angelina flips the hell out.  She must've been super hungry.... In true Situation style, Mike decides to apologize to Angelina.  Ok, so she's not excluded from Ravioli night.  Thank goodness b/c she was obviously starving.  

After dinner a sad Snooki decides to clean out her closet (just like that Eminem song) and burn all pictures of her and Emilio.  The gang all comes outside to watch and celebrate.  I feel like it's the 2010 version of Grease when they have that pep rally at the high school....well except there's more hair pomade and Ed Hardy t-shirts in this version.  Oh and apparently the word of the day is "sympathetic".  Thanks Snooki, although I really don't think she can spell that word if she tried.

And now the moment we've all been waiting for.....it's "anonymous" letter time!  Snooki and Jwoww finally decide to give Sammi the letter.  Jwoww puts the letter in Sammi's drawer all 007 style....It's...about...to go....DOWN... now the waiting game begins.  Jwoww, Snooki, and the Situation all head to work the next day.  Question: What is he wearing?  He's obviously to sexy for his job.  I think we know where all that per episode $$ is going towards now...  Sammi finds the letter and questions both Pauly and Vinny before saying anything to Ronnie.  Following guy code to a "T" they say absolutely nothing.  Geez Sammi, get a clue.  Anyway, Vinny wastes no time clueing in his boy Ronnie that his reign as president of the IFF is about to become a realization.  Ronnie's pissed and goes to see Sammi who shows him the letter.  Ronnie reads the letter and immediately rules Snooki out as a possible suspect because the word "wisely" was used.  I snicker.  Ronnie owns up to some of the letter but not all of it.  Has he forgotten that cameras follow them around constantly and that she will eventually see everything? Sammi decides that it may be time to finally end everything....FINALLY!!!

Meanwhile at work Jwoww and Snooki are curious to find out whether Sammi found the letter or not.  Jwoww calls the house and who picks up the phone?  Sammi.  Sammi starts telling them about the letter and they both play stupid like they know nothing. She believes them. Seriously?  I keep hoping that Sammi's not an idiot and she constantly lets me down.  The girls and The Situation get off work and come home to read the letter.  Without even batting an eye the Situation basically tells Sammi that everything in the letter is true. Looks like somebody forgot guy code.  

Ronnie realizes the girls wrote the letter and he's pissed at them...you know b/c he's the one who cheated.....and it's their fault for telling their friend.....b/c that makes a ton of sense.  He goes back and tries to talk to Sammi and she totally shuts him down.  Ronnie turns it around to make it sound like he broke up with her and then immediately goes to call another girl (cue Hometown hottie).  Does Ronnie have a brain?  I'm still waiting to find out.  Sammi walks up when he's on the phone and asks him who he's talking to and he lies.  Again Ronnie...there are CAMERAS in this entire friggin house!  Did you never watch The Real World?  We know who's on the phone and everything.  Cue another Sammi and Ronnie fight which ends with them sleeping in separate bedrooms....thank the lord!

So to sum it all up,  Ronnie's test with temptation and Sammi manipulation gives the girls the motivation to write about the situation which leads to Ronnie and Sammi taking a relationship vacation.......Jesse Jackson's got NOTHING on me.  =)

Stay tuned for next week when the girls cook dinner, Vinnie and Snooki schnook and Angelina forgets the meaning of "anonymous" which leads to a .....GIRL FIGHT!!!!  I can't wait...I'm maschoganin over here!  This show is like butta!

Quotes from last week's Jersey Shore Episode

Ok, so Teen Mom took a break which means I needed something to take up my time....enter Jersey Shore....with their fist pumping and drunken debauchery I almost completely forgot Teen Mom was delayed for a week. Here are some of my favorite quotes from last week's episode!!!!


"I don't like tests.  That's why I didn't go to college.  Don't test me.  I will fail most of the time (laughs).  -Ronnie


"I think Victoria should've kept this one a secret." - Vinnie discussing Angelina's linger-ain't.


"You need to give up the cookie son so you can find another one.  I'm eating chocolate chip cookies every night dawg." -The Situation's "advice" to Ronnie


"Ronnie made out w/2 girls & put his head in between a cocktail waitresses breast....BOING." - Snooki adding her touch to the anonymous letter.


"He spoons, I fork."  - Pauly @ the gelato shop.


"Do we have a butter face flavor or what?" - Vinnie


"We says tits not breasts.  So she probably won't even know it's us." - Snooki's way of thinking that Sammi won't realize that she and J-Woww wrote the anonymous letter.


And just in case this episode had you wondering "where are their parents....here's the link (below).  


http://www.usmagazine.com/moviestvmusic/photos/jersey-shore-meet-the-parents-2010238


This week's update coming soon!!!

Season 2; Episode 5 "I don't think it stinks, do you?"

Bringing you another recap of our favorite TV show....Teen Mom....

GARY AND AMBER

Gary and Amber are back from Florida in which Gary proposed.  Back to the life of bills, more bills and a crazy trashed house!  Seriously, there are 2 adults and 1 kid.  Why does it look like an episode of Hoarders in there??  Well they're back in town and things seem to be going well....for now.  Somehow Gary lost rock paper scissors and is now in a bunny suit for Easter.  Good lord, he's being a great sport.  Especially since this will definitely be on National TV lol.  Our world's craziest teen couple is headed to Gary's mom's house for Easter. Instead of thanking Gary for his bunny help Amber responds with "I cannot talk to you in that freaking Easter bunny outfit.  You look so f*cking funny right now."  Thanks a lot Amber.  Easter with Gary's family seems to be going well.  I mean how estactic does Amber want them to be when she tells them they're engaged for the 3rd time?  Well they break the exciting news and Gary's stepdad makes it clear that he's not a big fan of Amber's parents.  Amber takes offense and walks on home by herself....yep...Easter's going great....  They continue to have an all out fight in which Amber yells "Don't ever ask me to marry you again!"  Looks like we may not have the joy of watching a 4th engagement for these two....  Amber and Gary have a nice night apart after the fight.  And as we all well know Gary and Amber end have a great make-up conversation which includes Amber whining, Gary apologizing, and some crying and hugging.  I'm glad they made up since they're "fianced" now.

TYLER AND CATELYNN

Tyler and Catelynn.......sigh......are still trying to work out their issues.  Tyler wants Catelynn's phone records to see how much she's been calling some dude (the ex) in Florida.  Catelynn has cried for 3/4 of this season....it's a little depressing.  Tyler is winning an Emmy for his selfish speech but he's making a good point.  They just need a break from one another good lord....Catelynn calls her counselor to talk about the whole Tyler and phone situation.  I know they love each other but seriously...this doesn't seem to be going well.  Take a break.  We finally see the first mean text message from Tyler.  They go to visit the adoption office to give Easter baskets for Carly and to see Carly's new pictures and end up having a Dawson's creek style argument at the end....sigh...  I pick up my remote and click the info button to make sure I'm not watching an ABC family episode....just checking...I feel bad for them I really do but....ugh....I think they need a little break.  Tyler decides to talk it out with him mom.  I amazed at how rational his mother is.  Looks like their will be a nice end of the episode make up in the future for them......blergh...  =)  Tyler decides that he doesn't want to see the phone records in the end and they make up....awww...whatever....

MACI

Maci is baaack.  The majority of Maci's posts will have to be written with that long drawn out southern accent she has.  She's driving 2 hours to Nashville with Bentley for a "sleepover" with her friends.  Pretty sure her idea of a sleeppver is hanging out on a cot in a dorm.......fun.  Of course the one friend that you don't want to ever babysit your kids says "Can weee bring Bentley to the parrrty with us?"  um....no....and make sure you keep taking that birth control on time Missy because you definitely don't need a kid anytime soon.  They discuss Bentley and Kyyyyle meeting for the first time and Maci seems really happy.  I'm really rooting for this to work so lets all keep those fingers crossed ok? Kyyyyle's coming by to visit Bentley aka Benny Hanna aka B Man Cometh (made that last one up).  Kyyyyyle walks in and gives the total "I'm not a pedophile, really I'm not" phrase "How'reyadoin buddddy?" Give Kyle a bag full of suckers and a van and he may just fit the profile.  Oh calm down, I kid, I kid.  Bentley's not buying it.  Even Maci's encouraging words of "Maybe he doesn't like you" aren't doing the trick...hmm...oh wait...Kyle's getting a ball out....SOLD!  Bentley's got a new best friend!  Time to hit up the arcade....Bentley, Maci and Kyle are having a great visit today.  They even picked a really safe activity to do with the baby......go carts.  Bentley looks a little freaked out but he comes out unscathed.  I gotta admit it.  They are a pretty cute little family if I say so myself.  Kyle is doing really well with Bentley and they seem genuinely happy to be together......ftw.  Maci reads Kyyyyle his rights and he agrees to the contract of dating Maci.  Maci....chill out....he'll be fine.

Moving on....

FRICKIN FLIGHTY FARRAH

Frickin flighty Farrah (as she will continue to be called from now on) is spending her first Easter away from her parents.  Looks like the Easter Bunny wasn't able to make it to her place either.  Well that or she may have pressed charges against him too, who knows.  Her mom makes a short appearance in this episode as well looking as "Diva" as ever in her sunglasses while picking up trash for her community service hours.  Kristina "the hairdresser" comes to visit and chat again, basically to help Farrah find out where to sign her checks.  Good think Tara left Sophia on the porch to chill out while they cleaned....that's safe....  Frickin Flighty Farrah is putting her car up for sale.  THIS.....should go amazingly well right?.....yeah no.

Frickin Flighty Farrah puts her car up for sale and is so super happy that it already sold.  The amazing invisible man that bought the car sent her a check for $5000 and also gave her another $3000 to ship it to another invisible location.  Wow....this doesn't seem like a scam at ALL right?  Riiiight???....Right.

Farrah is going to get her car detailed today before they ship it to the invisible seller.  As per the usual routine, Farrah forgets diapers, wipes and a jacket on a rainy day.  This is going SO well.  So now that Farrah sold her car and took out $3000 to wire money to an invisible location she wants to see if the check is a fraud or not....I'm smacking my head against the keyboard while writing this.   Geez Farrah....get it together..  Farrah gets the "surprise" call back from the bank.  Looks like the check was a fraud and now she's $2600 overdrawn with her bank....eek!  I'm sure you're just as shocked as I am right?  Sophia's so shocked that she flings herself off the bed onto the floor just for a dramatic effect.  Way to go Sophia.  She calls over her hairdresser to discuss.  Questions: when does this girl ever do hair?  I haven't even seen her do her own hair.  Frickin Farrah is out a ton of money and rent is coming due very soon.  She's gettng a HUGE dose of reality and a huge deficit in her bank account.  I see a reconciliation with the 'rents in the future....

Stay tuned for next week.  It looks like Maci is moving to be closer to Kyle (how long have they been together?), Gary and Amber fight once again, Freakin Flighty Farrah fumbles with freaky fast speed dating and I'm pretty sure Catelynn's mom goes bat shit crazy....I can't wait!