Friday, January 6, 2012

Jersey Shore Season 5, Episode 1: MTV's 1 hour Plan-B Commercial


^^^The face of guilt^^^

Well, they're baaaaack.  The guys and gals of the Shore are back in the US of A and they couldn't be happier.  Especially because they have the opportunity to GTL and get fresh to deaf in Jersey (which I believe is what our forefathers fought so diligently for).  Anywho the gang is over the moon to be back in the armpit of America, i.e. Jersey.  The first thing they do is go to the T-shirt shop where they'll be working again this summer.  I thought this was fitting because in about 3 years you will be able to go back to that very same T-shirt shop and see most of the cast still working there full time.  Except for Vinny.  Vinny will be going to college and living in his old room at his mom's house ( I have high hopes for him).  They spend the rest of the night enjoying the Boardwalk which looks just like a huge carnival.  I'm sure it was a blast.
The next day the boys go out to GTL.  We'll start in that order.  Ronnie and his roids are SO happy that he gets to lift again (it gets the aggression out).  Pauly runs into the tanning salon like his blow out is on fire and asks for the darkest lotion STAT.  I'm just going to say this right now.  Pauly D is darker than me and I was born this way.  I'm not sure if that's healthy or not.  Sitch gives over an entire bag of clothing to be dry cleaned, I imagine because he hasn't washed his clothes since he left for Italy.   That night they go out for drinks and.....SURPRISE all their friends and family are there!  What a surprise!  Vinny even cries.  It was beautiful.  I think Vinny's creepy Uncle Nino got to hug and feel up everyone too.  Joy.  The thing that got to me was looking at the dads.  Did anyone see Snooki's dad?  He was cut!  No wonder she likes juice heads.  And J-Woww's dad I believe was a stand in for Dumb and Dumber (don't quote me on that).  

Moving on to the scripted drama, Sitch's friend "The Unit" (seriously he's called that) is there and he's ready to start some curly haired blow out drama with Snooki and her overly waxed boyfriend Jionni.  Snooki looking as guilty as ever starts yelling at The Unit.  Why?  I'm not sure.  Probably just because she knows she's guilty.  In the mix of course is the Situation who yells "Stop" about 1 million times even though he started it.  Isn't it ironic?  Don't ya think?  Well nothing happens, and they end up going home to potentially start drama.  Unfortunately Snooki sees this coming and she and Jionni hole up in her room for the night never to be seen again.  The MTV producers must be pissed.  They go back home and we get to see a montage of the Sitch and The Unit getting ready to um....go downstairs?  It involves sweats, cologne, desperation and moisturizer.  They go downstairs and there's a drunk Ryder and Pauly D.  I'll fast forward. He gets it in with Ryder which leads to some great sayings that I'll list later.  Best moment of the night is when Pauly D and Ryder are lying in his bed and a drunk Deena walks in and just sits there.  It's never happening Deena. I'm sorry honey.  

What I must mention is how MTV put the Plan B commercial in immediately after Pauly D hooks up with Ryder.  Great work MTV.  Great work.  It's like the company that makes Plan B saw the opportunity, knew their target audience, seized the day and bought an excellent commercial spot.  Way to go Plan B.  Money well spent (clapping hands).

The next half of the episode is a yawn.  Snooki apologizes to the Unit to buy her some time.  Vinny decides he's depressed because he misses his mommy.  They go clubbing at Aztec but there's grenades everywhere (although someone's mom was really rocking it that night.  I wish I could find a pic of her).  The episode ends with Vinny missing home.  You could tell it was serious because Vinny put on his glasses and there is an overwhelming amount of the words "bro" and "yo" being used.  I'm sure we'll pick up with that next week.

In all I was happy with this episode.  The cast is back in their element and although there was still Mike/Snooki drama they managed to add some more interesting elements into the picture.  I'm ready for more Jerzdays in the future!!

Also, not to be forgotten are the Ryder references.  Ok?  Go! :

"Whether you're the 1st man in or the last man in.  Ryder." - Pauly D
"Everybody Ryder just like a bus route." - Vinny
"You got your Metrocard? So you can Ryder just like a bus route." - Ronnie

Sure, it's a double standard but her parents must be SO proud.

Did I miss anything?  Let me know!


  1. Love that they are back! What is up with all the filler action on JWoww's face? I feel like Jersey moved to LA!

  2. Love your blog!! Been reading it ever since you first started! Did you know The Unit has his own FB page??

    You're welcome!

  3. I am from Staten Island (please don’t judge me too harshly!) and Vinny is legit 45 minutes away at the shore house. Ridiculous.
    Also, random aside, Vinny’s dad is a barber at the local mall. I think his business has boomed since the show premiered – not sure if he does Vinny-type haircuts though. It’s Staten Island, so most likely yes.

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