Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Hospital Visits, Pressing Charges, and Orange Clothing, Oh My!!!!!!!!

My room is supposed to be the LAUNDRY ROOM???!!!

Meeting of the Oranges

I'd like to press charges and get a pack of Newport Lights please.

Leah's singing (or meds) puts Ali to sleep

This week in Teem Mom Land.  If you're not in the hospital or pressing charges then you're wearing orange.

Chelsea-  Chelsea needs to have surgery.  She goes to see her dad Randy to talk about it.  Randmeister says that she will now have to cut back on her “jogging”.  I feel like jogging is code word for something else but I’ll keep it PG right now.  I mean, we all know how Aubrey got here right?  Chelsea tells the Randmeister that she’s going to have Adam take care of the baby while she’s in the hospital.  He doesn't seem to pleased but he can't do anything about it so he's staying out of it.  Well now it’s surgery day and it’s time for Adam to actually parent for once.  He shows up and immediately drops Aubrey on the floor (“accidentally”).  Aubrey and Chelsea both cry.  This is going to go swimmingly.  Chelsea goes in for surgery and Adam is forced to parent for about 2 hours.  From what we see he does an okay job.  Chelsea comes into the room from recovery and is emotional from the start.  Aubrey pulls on Chelsea’s recently worked on leg andAdam calls her a “little bastard” <  They get back home and Adam and Chelsea have a heart to heart after throwing Aubrey in a pack-in-play to sleep.  That was a pack-in-play wasn’t it?  Why does no one have cribs or toddler beds?

Jenelle-  Well Jenelle and Kieffer are at it again.  Apparently they had another blow out fight (I’m guessing because the seatbelts were too tight in the car) and Jenelle broke up with him.  My guess is that the break up involved her driving up to that grassy knoll where she usually picks him up and opening the car door and telling him to get out.  So Jenelle with no friends and no one to turn to has to call Barb.  Barb decides to call a truce and wants to meet at a restaurant later that day to talk about it.  Jenelle goes to the courthouse to press charges against Kieffer.  She says that this is so she can get back home to Jace but I really feel like it’s just so she can get back at Kieffer and have a place to live.  I mean, she didn’t care about Jace when they were living in her car those first few days did she?  Now, I don’t know how they do things everywhere but in Jenelle’s town they go to a courthouse that looks like a check cashing place and give a statement through a glass wall and then swear on a Bible.  Oh and no one asks for witness information or pictures of injuries or anything.  OK.  Anywho, the charges have been pressed, a warrant is out and I think Jenelle also got $10 on pump 3.  Jenelle then goes to talk to a random friend that I guess she hasn’t talked to in awhile.  They go to meet at the Coffeehouse called….."Coffeehouse" which is directly next door to the Flying Pig.  I’m guessing there's a Flying Pig on every corner out there huh (see what I just did right there)?  She tells her friends about what’s been going on and the domestic violence and her friend doesn’t even flinch.  I guess she really is one of Jenelle’s true friends.  She’s not even shocked by what happened.   Now it’s time for Jenelle and Barb to put on their nicest orange attire and meet to discuss a truce.  Jenelle tells Barb that she was sleeping in her car and Barb starts crying.  Barb says that Jenelle can move back but that they have to get along for the sake of Jace.  Jenelle agrees and comes home.

Leah- Back in West Virginia it’s time for Ali’s M-R-EYE.    Corey took the day off from whatever job he wears that flannel shirt and ratty hat to in order to go to the hospital with them.   They are trying to stay strong for Ali but everyone is visibly nervous.  Corey’s even using up more subtitles than normal trying to explain how he feels.  They pull up to the hospital and we get to see the nice bright orange truck that  probably cost them more than the double wide they live in.  Seriously, who buys trucks that color?  They go in for the M-R-EYE and everything goes as it’s supposed to.  We get to see Ali with her glasses off and I think she looks a lot like Corey.  Hopefully she’ll learn to open her mouth more than her dad when she learns to talk.  They get Ali ready and sedated for the M-R-EYE.  Corey is crying before she even gets her first dose of medicine.  Leah starts crying and then they hug and go into the waiting room to wait and cry some more while the procedure takes place.  Now, putting a little personal info into my blog I will tell you that I had to do the same procedure with my daughter when she was 6 months old and then I had to take her to get sedated again when she was 3 so she could get her eyes examined.  You cry.  A lot.  I feel for them.  It sucks.

Kailyn -  It’s time for Kailyn to sign the lease and move in.  She still hasn’t told her mom that she’s moving out though (because that would be the adult thing to do).  She tells Jordan about the place and he seems really excited that Kailyn will have a new place for him to crash at.  I mean, it’s a 1 bedroom and Isaac has to sleep in the laundry room but ……it’s a new place!!    Kailyn devises a plan to move out really fast while her mom’s at work (insert Benny Hill music here) and then to call her mom afterward and tell her what she did.  Well school is out and it’s time to move so ready 1,2,3 GO!  Kailyn has like 2 hours to move and has not packed anything in boxes.  She says it’s because she has never had to move before.  Um….Kailyn we all saw your “move” from Jo’s house last season.  Well I guess he did put everything in trash bags for you but whatever.  Well they get everything loaded into Kailyn’s apartment/welfare lodge and she goes to call her mom.  Her mom doesn’t seem to mad about it but she does want her TV back.   That needs to come back STAT.  Oh, and don’t forget the remote either.  Drop everything and bring that back too.  She tells Jo that she got a new place now.  Jo acts happy for her.  I have a feeling Jo’s mom has coached him to not look like an a-hole on TV this season because he’s acting a lot nicer (for the cameras at least).  Kailyn is definitely the most mature of this cast but I can’t stand how she just runs away from everything if she feels uncomfortable.  Maybe she’ll learn one day.  We’ll see.  The next day Kailyn goes to return the remote to her mom Suzi and they get into a little tiff about who said what and who wrote the note.  I was waiting for Sammi from Jersey shore to jump out and yell “It was J-Woww and Snooki!” but that sadly never happened.

Next week:  Kailyn and Jordan are bumpin didlies  and have to talk about it out loud.  Adam runs away with Aubrey.  Leah finds out the results for her child’s M-R-EYE…of the brain and Kieffer turns himself into to jail.

Also, the after show.  I’m not doing a full blog on the after show but here’s how it goes.  Everyone’s hair is horrible.   HORRIBLE.  If MTV hired a stylist to do the hair then they should be fired and should find a new career (see above horrible cell phone picture).  Suchin Pak did the recap. They brought on the tears early by asking Leah about the M-R-EYE.  They also talk about how hard it is when you take a baby home.  “You know, you have to get up like every 2 hours.”  “You have to take naps when the baby naps” etc.  They talk about Jenelle and Kailyn’s mom.  Blah blah blah.  It was boring.  If you want to look it up go ahead but I’m not wasting 30 minutes of my life again….

See you next week!!!

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Teen Mom 2 Season 2; Episode 2 “That was my chaaaange purse Jenelle!!!”

No more apple juice mom!!!

We live in a car down by the river.

Our new place!

"Don't steal my thunder b*tch"

Well Kailyn is a bit stressed because her mom’s boyfriend wrote her a letter the night before and she isn’t happy about it.  To sum it up he basically wrote for her to clean her room and dust it and that he and her mom don’t like living like trash.  This all would make sense if the room was actually messy but the funny thing is that the room isn’t messy at all (cocaine is a hell of a drug isn’t it?).  She is upset and thinks that she may get kicked out of her mom’s place.  I’m guessing there were other issues besides this note because if not her crying is a little over the top.  Boo…I hate to see the Cowardly Lion sad.  She starts thinking of ways to get out of her mom’s house.  She goes to eat lunch with Jordan and tells him about how unhappy she is.  Jordan tries to make her feel better but he also makes it clear that he’s perfectly content living with his parents (please upgrade Kailyn).  Jordan suggests going on welfare but Kailyn says that she has too much pride to go on welfare.  In the end, Kailyn finds a rent assistance program and gets a decent apartment for $50 a month.  Blah Blah Blah her section of the show is so boring right now.  She sees a problem, she fixes it.  She's responsible.....BORING.  Oh and btw, Isaac poops the pants right when they agree to get the apartment.  Probably because he just realized that his dad lives in a mansion sized home and he’s going to be living in this crappy apartment.  Moving on…

FACEPALM.  That’s how I feel when I have to write about her.  Apparently Adam and his barbed wire tattoo want to get back together.  Also if you want to get back together you let someone know with a private message through Facebook (write that down).  However Chelsea doesn’t have the time to worry about the Facebook message because she re-tore her ACL tripping up the stairs…….seriously…..she makes me so sad.  Her mom comes over in her best Kindergarten Halloween T-shirt and pumpkin earrings and says that they need to go to the hospital.  Well, they find out that Cheslea needs surgery again.  She tells her family that Adam is going to help take care of the baby.  Btw, she wants to get back with him too (surprise!).  Chelsea decides to talk to her friend Tiffany about getting back together with Adam.  Tiffany is less than excited but they all know that Chelsea’s going to make the same mistake so there’s not really an argument made about it at all.  Chelsea tries to justify it by saying her heart is hurting…..whatever.  Cheslea goes to talk to her sugar daddy (well actually daddy) Randy and he says that he sees that she has a new friend on facebook.  Btw- I really want to be Randy’s facebook friend.  We could discuss teeth whitening and maybe he could buy me a nice house to live in rent free.  A girl can dream right?  Randy is disappointed in Chelsea’s decision but Chelsea doesn’t seem to care.  I’d like to see Chelsea try to survive if her dad cuts her off.  I mean the girl can’t take a GED to save her life.  In the end Chelsea and Adam are back together…yay…..facepalm.

Leah’s exhausted because after a full day of work she has to go pick up the girls AND put them to bed still.  Welcome to reality Leah.  Corey and Leah put the girls to bed and then talk about Ali’s doctor appointment.  Corey’s still wearing that old stringy nasty hat and he still doesn’t open his mouth when he talks so I don’t really know anything that he said.  Honey, open your mouth please.  Then MTV won’t have to pay to add subtitles when you talk.  It’s time for Ali’s doctor appointment.  Ali’s eyes are doing better so she won’t need surgery but her optic nerves are smaller than normal.  Now usually I don’t put my personal life into these blogs but my daughter’s optic nerves are also smaller than normal and we had to go through the same process that Leah’s going through.  It sucks and they cannot give you a true diagnosis.  They just tell you to wait and that you won’t know anything until her eyes fully develop.  It sucks and I feel for her.  For this reason I am not going to make fun of her Pamela Anderson Halloween wig hair this episode.  I will wait until next week.  After the appointment Leah calls her mom to discus the appointment and let’s her know that Ali’s going to need an M-R-EYE of the brain.  She has a convo with Corey about it too and Leah says that she’s not going to accept that Ali has brain damage until it has been proven by a specialist.   The next day they go to Corey’s parent’s house and the other twin, Aleeah, takes her first 2 steps.  In response Ali gives her twin the “honey badger don’t give a damn” face.  Corey’s stepmom says that her WebMd research shows that Ali may lose vision in her eye.  Btw, just a tip.  Don’t ever google or WebMd anything.  You will always get the worst case scenario.  Always. 

Well Jenelle and Kiefer are living in her car and things aren’t going so well because well for one, they’re LIVING IN HER CAR and two, Kiefer started drinking again (raise your hand if you think he never stopped drinking).  It scares me that she doesn’t seem that concerned about being kicked out of her house and not being able to be her son but I’m not surprised.  Jenelle calls her friend Amber (i.e. Miranda Lambert) and asks if they can shower over there.  They are SO grody.  I feel like if I could smell them through the screen it would be B.O. mixed with sweat and depression.  Jenelle decides to go to the library but Kieffer doesn’t want to go.  He’d rather go to the “Sweepstakes” instead.  Question.  Does anyone know what the “Sweepstakes” are?  On the drive to the sweepstakes they get mad because all Kiefer talks about is weed, alcohol or drugs.  Oh, what a winner.  Later Miranda Lambert and Jenelle have a heart to heart about Kieffer.  She says that she realizes that she sacrifices time with her son to spend time with Kieffer.  Sad that she doesn’t seem to understand how damaging that is to her son…..  Later the gang all decide to go bowling.  During this scene we get some notable sayings such as “Planet fun is down the road!” and “Let’s bizzounce!”  Jenelle is mad because Kieffer has alcohol and she doesn’t like it.  Her friend, we’ll call him Howdy Doody, is pissed because he drove all this way and people are unhappy.  Jenelle tells Kieffer to take one more drink and she’ll knock him out.  Kieffer takes a drink and Jenelle goes ballistic.  She throws Howdy Doody’s change purse at Kieffer.  Howdy Doody gets pissed (“That was my chaaaange purse Jenelle!!!”).  What ensued was like a crazy episode of Cops without the cops.  Jenelle’s friends just stand there and watch.   I believe it’s time for  a plug annnnnnnnnnnd there it is!  Does anyone else think those little 30 second spots  are MTV’s special way of saying “Please don’t sue us for showing domestic violence on TV?” 

Next week in Teen Mom land.  Kailyn tries to secretly move out. Jenelle goes to get a restraining order against Kieffer.  Chelsea and Adam fight at the hospital (surprise) and Leah takes Ali for her MRI.

Did I miss anything?  Spell someone's name wrong?  Hate my blog?  Leave me a comment and let me know.  I won't promise that I'll read them but I'll comment either way.

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Teen Mom 2 : Homelessness is the new Black

^^The same look I give when I watch this show.

Guess who’s back.  Once again.  Teen Mom’s back.  Tell a friend. 

I’m baaaaack and I’m here to recap the ever loving crap out of Teen Mom 2!!!

Kailyn, the cowardly lion, is still dating Jordan.  Ummm how can I say this without being mean…..Jordan is such a tool.  Seriously I think Kailyn and her sour puss face can do so much better but it’s whatever makes her happy I guess.  Kailyn calls Jo to ask if she can get Isaac early for trick- or-treating and they have a civilized conversaion.  Yay!  Since Jo’s not filming another rap video for youtube I guess he’s willing to be more accommodating.  I’ll admit it.  It’s nice to see them be nice to each other.  It’s healthy.  You don’t see healthy on this show a lot.  Jordan, Kailyn and Isaac go trick or treating together and everyone has a great time…..yawn.  They’re so normal it’s boring. 

Leah’s been at home with the twins and she’s wanting to get out with those hot new Pamela Anderson late Baywatch days blond extensions and partaaay!!!  She tells Corey that she wants to get a job and Corey seems less than thrilled.  Leah sells him on the idea by saying that she can earn some gas money.  I guess the gas prices are affecting everyone these days.  Corey thinks that she’ll flirt with everyone.  Now I know ppl are like “Well she has twins and lives in a trailer” but seriously she’s probably the hottest commodity in West Virginia so I understand where he’s coming from.    Leah goes on the job hunt (enter minimum wage job hunt montage).  She finally gets a call from her mom saying that there’s job opening at the dental office.  Since I guess there’s no experience needed to work with teeth at this place she goes and interviews and immediately gets the job.  Corey’s still worried about her cheating (foreshadowing anyone?) but he is happy for her.

Chelsea’s studying for her GED.  Good lord I know this show’s been off the air for a bit but how long does it take?  Seriously?  Adam wants to come back in the picture (more than likely because he’ll be on camera again) and Chelsea is taking the bait because she just loves punishment.  Adam comes over and Chelsea gives Aubrey a nice big bottle of apple juice and puts her hair in that nice wavy style for a reunion.  Adam’s trying to weasel his way to some Teen Mom 2 money and Chelsea’s eating it up.   She talks to her mom about Adam and her mom tells her that Adam is no good and to just stay single.  Chelsea still wants to see him though.   I know he’s not the only guy in South Dakota with no life and a barb wire tattoo.  Seriously Chelsea, get some self esteem and get it fast.  Oh and get that GED one day too. 

So Jenelle’s been sneaking around with Kieffer because Barb doesn’t want them to be together (for obvious reasons).   Jenelle’s friends (well the 2 loyal ones she has) try to warn her about Kieffer.  Btw- doesn’t the girl look like a young Miranda Lambert?  Just me?  Ok.  Anywho Jenelle’s not listening because she loves living on the edge (which leads to living on the street) so we all see how this is going to end up.   Finally what we’ve all been waiting for.  Barb and Jenelle start their fight.  Barb is mad because she says Jenelle was out too late and she has to go to work (in the meat department at Wal-Mart) and she can’t be late.   I just feel so bad for Jace.  Good lord, through all this he just sits there and takes it all in.  What a disaster.   She calls Kieffer and he walks down the street (literally, you know bc he lives on the street) to comfort her.  Btw- how does he have a phone?  Isn’t he homeless?  Who pays that bill?  Finally it’s Halloween and Jenelle meets up with Kieffer who is standing on the side of the road waiting for her to drive up.  They hang out and then Jenelle gives him her car so he can hang out with friends.  They do this exchange and then Kieffer drops her off…..right in front of the house….because we know Barb’s not going to be watching her at all right?  #Epicfail.  Barb right on cue confronts Jenelle and the fight that I’ve been waiting 55 minutes for finally begins!
Now due to the accents and craziness it’s a little hard to hear it all but I got the jist of it. 

Barb: Well Jenelle I seen you with Kieffaaah!  Get out!!!

Jenelle:  “I can touch my child.  Get the f*ck off, stupid b*tch!”  ßhow is she still alive?  My mom would’ve murdered me and she would’ve used this episode to prove just cause.

(Barb gives the baby to her boyfriend Mike)

Barb: “Ya done!” and Barb throws Jenelle’s clothes out the door.

(It’s like an episode of Cops without the cops.)

Barb: “I hope yah have fun living in the f*cking street with yah booooooyfrieeeend!!!   (EPIC)

Barb: I thought you broke up with this son of a b*tch.  Tell yah boyhfriennd to come pick you up!”

Barb: Yah to selfish to take care of yah kid yah little b*tch!”  - door slam.

As you can tell, Barb won the fight by a mile with her clothes throwing skills and her awesome comments.   Trick or treating should be nice and awkward since I’m guessing that all of their neighbors crack the blinds so they can watch every second of this.

Next week:
Kailyn worries about bills (yawn).
Leah goes to the doctor to talk about her child’s condition.
Chelsea goes back to Adam.
Jenelle and Kieffer fight.

Stay with me people.  It’s bound to get better from here right?