Ok, it’s a new week and a new episode!
This week we get to see the wreckage from what happened last week. We get to see Snooki do the walk of shame from Vinny’s bed to her room. Since she’s been drunk 24-7 since flying into Florence she has no idea what happened. So she decides to go out for mimosas with J-Woww. J-Woww tells Snooki how Mike told everyone about them hooking up and Snooki is pissed. I mean she yelled out “crazy pants!!” at him at like 7 in the morning so you know she’s mad. I would be mad too. She probably caught something.
During all this Sitch calls his friend “The Unit” (really? The Unit?) and goes all white boy gangsta on the phone while talking about what happened b/t him and Snooki. Why is he still bragging about this? I mean Snooki’s gotten on nearly half the house, she isn’t really such a prized commodity is she? He decides in his best “I smashed my face into a wall” head to make up a lie and say that he gave “The Unit" Jionni’s number and see “who the rat is”. Pauly D thinks this is hilarious (probably because he’s the only one who stays out of all the drama). While I normally think Mike is an idiot I think he’s really doing all of this just to prove he is right and that Snooki is lying. Whatever. MTV needs the ratings so here we go!!
Back to mimosas. After Snooki and JWoww go out for their daily drink sans food they go running through the streets of Italy. Snooki is carrying a luggage case with her. I’m guessing that is just so she’ll be ready to go as they could deport these idiots at any time. She chases down a nun and then does cartwheels in the street……totally normal. She also buys a HUGE bottle of wine (I mean HUGE) and proceeds to accidentally drop it and shatter it in the process. I bet that bottle of wine costs as much as I make in a month and she just laughs it off. FML….why did I go to college?
Anywho they make their way back to the house and the minute Snooki hears that Sitch may have ratted her out she starts running through the house like a crazy woman throwing anything she can at him. No one tries to stop this fight. Mike’s bobbing and weaving (kind of like Snooki did on him) and trying to get away from little 4’9” Snooki. All Snooki can do is yell and say “Fuck you!” (i.e. she’s guilty). Btw- wth is going on with Sitch’s hair in Italy this season? It looks like a weasel died on his head.
The gang splits up for some unknown reason. The girls go to a wine tasting tour in Tuscany and the boys go to visit Vinny’s family in Sicily. Snooki and JWoww have a mini argument since Snooki doesn’t want to get up. Does anyone notice how Snooki keeps saying that JWoww is a bad best friend but really Snooki is the crappy friend?? Just saying. Anywho they put on their dresses that show the least cleavage and their best church hats (Snooki’s is cheetah print of course) and head out the door.
The guys arrive at Sicily and Vinny’s family comes out. I mean the entire family came out for a chance to be on TV, I mean a chance to meet Vinny. They have a 1000 course dinner and look at old pictures. The best part is really Sitch being hit by a soccer ball in the junk. The cast has been wanting to do that all season. Good times (Ryan yawn).
^^^"I've been drunk since I got to Italy"
The girls go on the wine tour at an old castle. They really aren’t interested in the history of the wine at all. They just pretty much want to get wasted and make it look classy. They get their wine and start talking about Jionni. JWoww tells Snooki the damage is done and to move on since she hooked up with Vinny. Snooki gets pissed and ends up screaming and running out of the place and into the street. She has no idea where to go though so it basically looks like she is running in circles. Sometimes she needs a leash. The rest of the wine tour is JWoww being on her phone while the man is talking and Snooki passing out on top of barrels of wine. I’m almost done writing the“I’m Sorry from America” cards to Tuscany. Great trip guys.
They get back to Florence and Snooki & J-Woww make up (she’s gotta keep her hot friend) and then she proceeds to call her dad. Her dad tells her that Jionni changed his Facebook status to “single”. Hahaha it’s not real if it’s not on FB is it? She calls Jionni and they have an argument over the phone about the status change. Then she tells Jionni that she and Vinny didn’t have sex but she slept in his bed and they "hooked up" or whatever. Jionni says to tell Vinny he’s dead next time he sees him and then breaks up with her. Lord what I would pay to see Super Mario and Lazy Eyed Vinny have it out…
Later Snooki puts on her best hot pink outfit and stunner shades (indoors) to call Jionni and try to win him back. Does she know he can’t see her through the phone? Anywho, Jionni is pissed but he must have checked his bank balance since then because he takes her back. The funny part is AFTER all of this she finally decides to ask Vinny what actually happened. He tells Snooki that they had sex. She honestly can’t remember having sex with Vinny. Has this happened to anyone? Seriously please tell me what you drink to make that happen because I’ve gotten stupid messed up drunk before and forgot where I went or who I talked to but I’ve never forgotten if I’ve “done the diddy” or not. Snooki ends up having to call Jionni and change her story (which should work out well) and that’s all she wrote folks.
"Did we smush or what?"
I guess we’ll have to wait until next week to watch Jionni break up with Snooki over the phone. Also coming up next week Pauly D dives off the deep by seriously considering “getting it in” with Deena and they have an Intervention-like meeting with Sitch. Stay with me people. I recap just for you!! Ciao!!