Thursday, August 26, 2010

We've got a Situation!!!!

As promised I said I would be recapping this week's episode of Jersey Shore and I ALWAYS keep my promises so here we go!

Disclaimer: If you didn't watch tonight and don't want to know what happened stop here!

(If you don't recognize the couple above let me introduce you.  That's Ronnie and Sammi.  And they are just as dysfunctional this season as they were last season.  Let me update you on what went down tonight on Jersey Shore!)

To quickly recap last week, Snookie and JWoww wrote an "anonymous" letter to Sammi regarding Ronnie's infidelity and they have decided to give the letter to Sammi....I can smell the fuse burning from here people.

This episode starts out just like any other episode.  JWoww spends some quality time adjusting her enormous tatas and Snooki puts on her most "Gaga-esque" sunglasses to go out and party for Gay Pride Week.  The boys are up to no good at the club again.  When Snooki and Jwoww get back home Snooki decides it's about that time to make her drunken nightly phone call to her boyfriend Emilio.  She informs him of her night and to her surprise he's pissed about her hanging around gay men.  She's confused (hell I'm confused too) and they break up right then and there.  I'm still not sure exactly what happened but they're done and Snooki looks sad.  I feel bad for the chick.  She needs a real man in her life.

The boys come home from their partying and it looks like they dragged two "jersey chasers" (get it...jersey chasers??  you're welcome) home with them.  Mike, sensing he might not get any also invited another girl to the house as a back up.  Apparently she was DTF (if you don't know that term you better it. Sooo there was a 100% chance he was getting some that night.  Well...except for the fact that she brought her "hippo" friend with her.  Mike, taking advantage of ANY situation had a plan.  He put the jersey chasers in one room with Vinny and Pauly D and DTF/hippo in another.  The hippo went to sleep and everyone else had a blast.  Hope the producers refilled the Valtrex prescriptions after that night....

The next day Mike decides to to T & L and skip the G because he wants to cook the family dinner.  He wants anyone else who's not cooking to help clean.  Angelina I guess didn't hear him because her ear seems to be glued to the phone 24-7.  Seriously who is that interesting that you need to talk to them that much?  Newsflash!  You're in MIAMI!  Anyway, Mike gets home and the sitch hits the fan when he realizes that Angelina didn't help clean.  He yells at her and excludes her from dinner.  Angelina flips the hell out.  She must've been super hungry.... In true Situation style, Mike decides to apologize to Angelina.  Ok, so she's not excluded from Ravioli night.  Thank goodness b/c she was obviously starving.  

After dinner a sad Snooki decides to clean out her closet (just like that Eminem song) and burn all pictures of her and Emilio.  The gang all comes outside to watch and celebrate.  I feel like it's the 2010 version of Grease when they have that pep rally at the high school....well except there's more hair pomade and Ed Hardy t-shirts in this version.  Oh and apparently the word of the day is "sympathetic".  Thanks Snooki, although I really don't think she can spell that word if she tried.

And now the moment we've all been waiting's "anonymous" letter time!  Snooki and Jwoww finally decide to give Sammi the letter.  Jwoww puts the letter in Sammi's drawer all 007 style....It' go....DOWN... now the waiting game begins.  Jwoww, Snooki, and the Situation all head to work the next day.  Question: What is he wearing?  He's obviously to sexy for his job.  I think we know where all that per episode $$ is going towards now...  Sammi finds the letter and questions both Pauly and Vinny before saying anything to Ronnie.  Following guy code to a "T" they say absolutely nothing.  Geez Sammi, get a clue.  Anyway, Vinny wastes no time clueing in his boy Ronnie that his reign as president of the IFF is about to become a realization.  Ronnie's pissed and goes to see Sammi who shows him the letter.  Ronnie reads the letter and immediately rules Snooki out as a possible suspect because the word "wisely" was used.  I snicker.  Ronnie owns up to some of the letter but not all of it.  Has he forgotten that cameras follow them around constantly and that she will eventually see everything? Sammi decides that it may be time to finally end everything....FINALLY!!!

Meanwhile at work Jwoww and Snooki are curious to find out whether Sammi found the letter or not.  Jwoww calls the house and who picks up the phone?  Sammi.  Sammi starts telling them about the letter and they both play stupid like they know nothing. She believes them. Seriously?  I keep hoping that Sammi's not an idiot and she constantly lets me down.  The girls and The Situation get off work and come home to read the letter.  Without even batting an eye the Situation basically tells Sammi that everything in the letter is true. Looks like somebody forgot guy code.  

Ronnie realizes the girls wrote the letter and he's pissed at know b/c he's the one who cheated.....and it's their fault for telling their friend.....b/c that makes a ton of sense.  He goes back and tries to talk to Sammi and she totally shuts him down.  Ronnie turns it around to make it sound like he broke up with her and then immediately goes to call another girl (cue Hometown hottie).  Does Ronnie have a brain?  I'm still waiting to find out.  Sammi walks up when he's on the phone and asks him who he's talking to and he lies.  Again Ronnie...there are CAMERAS in this entire friggin house!  Did you never watch The Real World?  We know who's on the phone and everything.  Cue another Sammi and Ronnie fight which ends with them sleeping in separate bedrooms....thank the lord!

So to sum it all up,  Ronnie's test with temptation and Sammi manipulation gives the girls the motivation to write about the situation which leads to Ronnie and Sammi taking a relationship vacation.......Jesse Jackson's got NOTHING on me.  =)

Stay tuned for next week when the girls cook dinner, Vinnie and Snooki schnook and Angelina forgets the meaning of "anonymous" which leads to a .....GIRL FIGHT!!!!  I can't wait...I'm maschoganin over here!  This show is like butta!

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