This was more exciting than Jersey Shore this week.

Sorry.  Jerzday was a bore this week.  To recap.  They're back in Seaside.  Vinny is still depressed.  They go out to a club.  They run home in the rain.  Sitch actually hooks up with a real chick.  The girl Pauly brings home steals his change and then probably realized after telling all her friends what happened that the cameras were on her the entire time so she brings it back the next day.  Vinny leaves.  The end.  

Also, I was just swamped with work this week.  I'm so so sorry.  See you next week!!!

Teen Mom 2, Season 2, Episode 6 & 7 : I watched this show for 2 hours and all I got was this blog....

Dear lord.  This week was an endurance test for me.  I legit thought that MTV was possibly trying to kill me by showing 2 shows back to back.


Leah - Just in case anyone else was keeping track Leah said "Geneticist" 1, 245,900 times this episode (give or take a few times.  Geneticist. Geneticist. Geneticist) oh and she still can't pronounce it.  Anygeneticist, they go to the geneticist (drink!) and learn that Ali may have some sort of genetic disorder but they won't know the results of the blood tests 4 weeks.  I think the genetic disorder was call coloradomelia dysplasia or something (don't quote me on that.  I was drifting off from time to time while watching).   Oh also a Physical Therapist came by and said that Ali needs some braces to be able to stand.  The good news is that they said that she will be able to stand and probably walk.  Yay for good news for them.  Oh also Ali stands on her own (assisted).  Leah's mom remembers that she got Leah to walk by putting cheese puff out and leah would walk to get them.  That explains a lot.  Especially why Leah insists on being the shade of cheese puffs.  And, Ali doesn't have that disorder.  They tell Leah to keep doing the physical therapy and to contact them in a year.  I would get a second opinion.  Something's just not right there.


Chelsea - She has to move out of her house because the owners are wanting to sell it.  She makes an agreement with Randy to get a place with the budget being $700 max.   She goes and finds a place that rents for $790 a month.  She's never going to get that GED with those math skills....Oh and Chelsea's going to try to pay utilities.  How hard is life for her?  Also, she died her hair Playboy bunny bleach blonde and got some crazy extensions.  She loves it.  It makes my eyes hurt.  Apparently Adam hates it too because he's back to being a d-bag and isn't coming around as much.  We all know how this is going to end right?  Also, Chelsea's 1 ride or die friend Megan is back and guess what?  She's pregnant.  However you probably knew that because it looked like she gained about 25lbs and her belly is showing. We then get to witness the only time I've seen Chelsea be smart ever as she tells Megan how hard it's been for her since she had a baby.  In all actuality it hasn't been realistically hard for Chelsea since MTV and her father has supported her this entire time.  However Megan doesn't have that MTV check to fall back on since MTV's not interested in picking up her pregnancy as a spin off.  Sorry Megan!  Good luck!

Kailyn- Let's see here.  I think Kailyn's back to burning bridges again.  She's still not communicating with her mom (crazy Suzi) and she can't seem to understand why Janet would be upset with her.  I used to feel sorry for her but now it's obvious that she has serious issues when it comes to communicating with others.  She either acts rude or cries.  It's getting old.  Moving on, it's Isaac's 1st birthday and Kailyn throws a party at her income-subsidized apartment.  Kailyn makes some cupcakes and everyone comes over and has a blast.  Jordan even bought Isaac some shoes that seriously won't even fit Isaac for at least 3 years.  Later, she totals her car and has to get it salvaged.  She has no money cant afford to get a new car.  She decides it's time to file for child support but instead of calling Jo to speak to him about it like an adult she leaves a voicemail.  "Hi, it's me.  I'm filing for child support. Bye."  Jo is pissed and handles it in his old Jo style by calling and spitting out some insults but she just hangs up on him.  Note to Kailyn: You can do whatever you want regarding child support but when you're filming your second season for a hit MTV show and you're carrying a Coach purse and talking on an I-phone it's hard for us to see that you're broke.


Jenelle- Jenelle missed the deadline on purpose  to enroll into school so she has to wait to re-enroll in the summer.  Also she has to go to court due to the breaking and entering/ marijuana charges that she racked up last season.  Kieffa is out of jail and Jenelle is running back to him.  He gladly accepts his meal ticket and things are back to normal for them.  Before court Jenelle went to see her lawyer who told her that she needs to stop smoking weed.  I love how Jenelle admitted to smoking, said it would be on her drug test during court and then asked how long she would need to stay clean for.  She's more committed to that than she is to Jace.  Jenelle's car breaks down and she works out a "deal" to get a very nice used car (thank you MTV wink wink).  Also in this 2 parter we get some good gems of advice from Barb about court such as:

"Kieffa's done. He's done."  "Whateva you do don't lie about smokin' da weed to the judge man.  He'll throw da book at ya!"

I heart Barb.  I heart her so much.  They get lucky because court's closed (possibly because of snow flurries?  I love the South).  Later Jenelle gets a text from an ex-boyfriend and it starts a fight with Kieffa.  He says that Jenelle gets texts from guys and he doesn't get texts from any girls.  Probably because you live on a grassy knoll.  Do they get phone reception out there?  Keiffa walks out and doesn't talk to Jenelle for 4 days.  By day 4 she's on a 5150 status and is ready to break.  She can't even watch Jace for 10 minutes so Barb can go pay the sewaaaa bill because she's in her room crying and repeatedly calling Kieffa.  She finally gets ahold of him and he comes over in his nicest Betty White t-shirt to break up with her.  She starts crying and even chases him down the street after he gets in his friends car saying that she loves him.  Pathetic.


Whew!  I'm exhausted.  On next week, Kailyn gets bangs and talks to Jo about child support, Adam leaves Chelsea (shock), they may have figured out what's going on with Ali and Kieffa realizes who has been paying for him and comes crawling back.  Stay tuned.

P.S. I know I spell Kieffer's name wrong all the time.  I don't care.  =)

Jersey Shore Season 5, Episode 1: MTV's 1 hour Plan-B Commercial

<---Awkward....

^^^The face of guilt^^^

Well, they're baaaaack.  The guys and gals of the Shore are back in the US of A and they couldn't be happier.  Especially because they have the opportunity to GTL and get fresh to deaf in Jersey (which I believe is what our forefathers fought so diligently for).  Anywho the gang is over the moon to be back in the armpit of America, i.e. Jersey.  The first thing they do is go to the T-shirt shop where they'll be working again this summer.  I thought this was fitting because in about 3 years you will be able to go back to that very same T-shirt shop and see most of the cast still working there full time.  Except for Vinny.  Vinny will be going to college and living in his old room at his mom's house ( I have high hopes for him).  They spend the rest of the night enjoying the Boardwalk which looks just like a huge carnival.  I'm sure it was a blast.

   

The next day the boys go out to GTL.  We'll start in that order.  Ronnie and his roids are SO happy that he gets to lift again (it gets the aggression out).  Pauly runs into the tanning salon like his blow out is on fire and asks for the darkest lotion STAT.  I'm just going to say this right now.  Pauly D is darker than me and I was born this way.  I'm not sure if that's healthy or not.  Sitch gives over an entire bag of clothing to be dry cleaned, I imagine because he hasn't washed his clothes since he left for Italy.   That night they go out for drinks and.....SURPRISE all their friends and family are there!  What a surprise!  Vinny even cries.  It was beautiful.  I think Vinny's creepy Uncle Nino got to hug and feel up everyone too.  Joy.  The thing that got to me was looking at the dads.  Did anyone see Snooki's dad?  He was cut!  No wonder she likes juice heads.  And J-Woww's dad I believe was a stand in for Dumb and Dumber (don't quote me on that).  

Moving on to the scripted drama, Sitch's friend "The Unit" (seriously he's called that) is there and he's ready to start some curly haired blow out drama with Snooki and her overly waxed boyfriend Jionni.  Snooki looking as guilty as ever starts yelling at The Unit.  Why?  I'm not sure.  Probably just because she knows she's guilty.  In the mix of course is the Situation who yells "Stop" about 1 million times even though he started it.  Isn't it ironic?  Don't ya think?  Well nothing happens, and they end up going home to potentially start drama.  Unfortunately Snooki sees this coming and she and Jionni hole up in her room for the night never to be seen again.  The MTV producers must be pissed.  They go back home and we get to see a montage of the Sitch and The Unit getting ready to um....go downstairs?  It involves sweats, cologne, desperation and moisturizer.  They go downstairs and there's a drunk Ryder and Pauly D.  I'll fast forward. He gets it in with Ryder which leads to some great sayings that I'll list later.  Best moment of the night is when Pauly D and Ryder are lying in his bed and a drunk Deena walks in and just sits there.  It's never happening Deena. I'm sorry honey.  

What I must mention is how MTV put the Plan B commercial in immediately after Pauly D hooks up with Ryder.  Great work MTV.  Great work.  It's like the company that makes Plan B saw the opportunity, knew their target audience, seized the day and bought an excellent commercial spot.  Way to go Plan B.  Money well spent (clapping hands).

The next half of the episode is a yawn.  Snooki apologizes to the Unit to buy her some time.  Vinny decides he's depressed because he misses his mommy.  They go clubbing at Aztec but there's grenades everywhere (although someone's mom was really rocking it that night.  I wish I could find a pic of her).  The episode ends with Vinny missing home.  You could tell it was serious because Vinny put on his glasses and there is an overwhelming amount of the words "bro" and "yo" being used.  I'm sure we'll pick up with that next week.

In all I was happy with this episode.  The cast is back in their element and although there was still Mike/Snooki drama they managed to add some more interesting elements into the picture.  I'm ready for more Jerzdays in the future!!

Also, not to be forgotten are the Ryder references.  Ok?  Go! :

"Whether you're the 1st man in or the last man in.  Ryder." - Pauly D

"Everybody Ryder just like a bus route." - Vinny

"You got your Metrocard? So you can Ryder just like a bus route." - Ronnie

Sure, it's a double standard but her parents must be SO proud.

Did I miss anything?  Let me know!

Teen Mom Season 2, Episode 3 - Hello? Are you over 21? Can you bail out my homeless boyfriend? By the way Merry Christmas...

I wonder what Kieffah is doing?  I hope he didn't drop the soap!

Kailyn : "Uggs!"  Jordan: "Ugggh"

It's just your daddy girls.  Don't cry!  Corey!  Put your stringy hat back on!

The South Dakota Olsen Twins

Chelsea-   Chelsea and Adam are still together?  ßthe question mark is intentional.  Anylowstandards, they decide to go out and cut down a Christmas tree together. Chelsea and Aubrey put on their best Cheetah print jackets which I think may be dangerous as they could get shot at any time in South Dakota for looking like animals.  Adam got a job working with generators or something (no experience needed I guess) and he and Chelsea are back together.  She asks her family to give Adam a second chance.  Her mom and her sister (who’s still bitter bc she didn’t get on Teen Mom) agree to give him a chance.  Randilicious refuses.  I guess he’s the only one that remembered and watched her entire 16 and Pregnant episode as well as the first season of Teen Mom.   Time for Christmas at Chelsea’s mom’s house.  Chelsea’s mom, Cheslea, Adam, Aubrey, Chelsea’s bitter sister and her daughter Braylee are there. Btw, are there two Aubreys?  She and her little cousin Braylee look exactly the same.  Do they use them both during filming like they did with the Olsen twins during Full House?

Kailyn- YAAAAAWWWWWWN.  This is Kailyn’s first Christmas in the apartment.  Isaac is going to Jo’s for Christmas Eve so she’s going to be alone for Christmas morning.  Kailyn decides to write Jo’s mom Janet a letter to try to work things out with her.  I can’t wait to see how Kailyn’s letter is going to go.  I imagine it will sound condescending like she does most of the time “Janet, I’m sorry that you’re like pissed at me.  I didn’t mean to hurt you but…..sigh… like...I’m like sorry ok??”   Jordan comes over on Christmas Eve and gives her some gifts.  Jordan’s so sweet but I have a question.   I don’t want to say it out loud.  Can I just text it to you??  Is Jordan slow?  Just an observation.  We’ll discuss later.  Moving on.  It’s Christmas morning and Kailyn goes to pick up Isaac.  She comes over and gives a letter to Janet.  Janet gives Kailyn some sort of little present.  Janet reads the letter and decides to accept Kailyn’s apology (somewhat).  When are Kailyn and Jo going to hook up again and get back together? You know it's going to happen.  It's just a matter of time.

Leah – Corey and EYE are so excited about Christmas this year!!  Leah wants to do it big because the girls were in the hospital last year (because they had just been born).  Leah goes to talk to her mom about Christmas.  She says that she put over $500 worth of Christmas presents on layaway at K-mart.  So basically she put an entire double-wide mortgage payment worth of presents on layaway for the girls.  Is it just me or is Leah’s hair blending in with the white walls at her mom’s house.  Her mom tells her  “Don’t get Agg-ra-vay-ted (ß-I spelled it exactly how she said it) because they don’t do what you expect them to do.  They’ll be more excited in the paper than the presents.”  They go to the VFW to celebrate the girls’ birthday.   The girls seem less than impressed but at least the cake tasted good.  Time for Christmas at the trailer park!!!!  Leah and Corey are wrapping presents and Corey wraps one with duck tape (as is tradition).  Maybe there’s a new hat wrapped up there amongst the gifts?  They bought a Santa suit and Corey is going to wear it to surprise the girls.  Aleeah cries and Ali just gives him a side-eye and cries.  Maybe if he would’ve worn that stringy hat they wouldn’t have been so afraid.  Btw I see like 4 gifts under the tree.  Didn’t she say she spend over $500?  Where did that all go?  On a tanning package and a bleaching kit for her hair?   Oh well at least everyone’s happy.  

Jenelle- Jenelle failed a bunch of her classes because she was hanging out with this homeless guy and not paying attention to her classes or her son.  He assaulted her, she pressed charges, and now he’s in jail.   Now that she’s bored, she wants to go bail out the homeless guy so she can ignore her son again and not pay attention to her classes.  Seriously.  Everyone got that?  Facepalm.  This episode we get to see Barb’s boyfriend, Mike, talk more than he has in any other episode combined.  He wants the old Jenelle back.  You know the one with a great personality and a ton of friends.  I’d like the old Jenelle back as well.   Mostly because I’ve never actually seen that old Jenelle on any of the MTV episodes she has ever been on.  They celebrate Christmas early because Barb has to go out of town (Wal-Mart meat cutting convention maybe) and they decide to open presents.  Cute baby moment: Jace hugging that teddy bear that Jenelle bought him.  Awww. Jenelle got Barb some fake Ugg boots and Barb could not be more excited.  Especially because she likes the “Dawk Collah!!!”  Lord, I love Barb and her accent. Later on Jenelle flips out on Barb over changing a diaper and Barb takes the baby and leaves.  I think this fight is more over the fact that Jenelle is embarrassed that Barb now knows that she’s on academic probation at school but I’m here to blog, not to talk about the serious underlying psychological issues that are actually at hand.   See, that last sentence had WAY too many syllables in it.  Sorry about that.  It will never happen on this blog again people.   Ok, so back to Jenelle.  Now that she’s bored and mad at Barb she decides to really make the effort to get Kieffah out of jail.  Well, most of the people won’t answer her calls and the ones that do won’t sign to get him out because they think he will run.    She calls her “friend” Tiffany and she walks down the street to meet with Jenelle.  So many questions.  Why does Tiffany look like she smells?  Is Jenelle the only one with a car?  Why does everyone else walk everywhere out there?  And wth is on that girl’s lip?  In the end no one will bail out Kieffah and Jenelle’s in tears.  That’s what low self esteem looks like people.  Thank you MTV.

Next week there’s some major drama between Jenelle and Kieffah, Leah cries about something she read on WebMd, Chelsea’s friend Megan gets knocked up and hopes MTV notices, and Kailyn and Janet talk it out. Get ready.