Jersey Shore: "Gym, Tan, Look like a Ho on National Television"

If you wanna have fun & do something craaaazy (Like recap this mess)!!!!

The episode starts the morning after Snooki and Jionni (Super Mario)’s fight.  Snooki was showing off her goodies in the club and Jionni left her.    She wakes up and feels horrible since she can’t get in touch with him.  So, she does what any other concerned girlfriend would do....  She decides to go out and get stupid drunk again.  She wants JWoww to go but JWoww’s not putting up with her crazy midget ass since they were in a screaming match the night before.  Snooki puts on a size Medium Men's Ed Hardy Shirt (I'm guessing) with a belt and apparently 2 abominable snowmen made shoes and books it out of the house.  Once she gets to the bar Snooki decides to announce to everyone what happened between her and her boyfriend since she thinks they all should know (no one in the bar cares) and then continues to dance to house music.....at 11am....classy.

Back at the pizzeria, Pauly D, Ronnie and Deena are all working together.   The boss makes Deena clean the toilet. She throws a fit because apparently she’s above cleaning toilets??  I don’t know why shes’s mad.  This would be a great resume booster for her interview with McDonalds in 2 years.  Deena mops the floor and then picks up the mop and rubs it all over the toilet seat…disgusting.  I will forever hover in public bathrooms from here on out.

Snooki makes it home and decides to drunk dial her father to let him know how upset she is.  Her dad starts to get angry on Snooki’s behalf.  What I would do to see a picture of Snooki’s dad.  I imagine he looks something like a mix between Mario and Luigi and he’s about 5’2”.    While on the phone she starts to get mad at JWoww for not being her designated drinking buddy for the day.  JWoww apologizes since she realizes that Snooki is basically helpless at this point.  Did anyone see JWoww’s floaties during this scene (you couldn’t miss them)?  They were huge & all over the place the whole time.  What was going on there?  #teamyouneedabraatalltimes..  Snooki is extremely depressed and is bringing down the mood of the entire house.  Jwoww goes to call Jionni to beg him to talk to Snooki.  While she’s gone Sammi “Sweetheart?” goes in to comfort Snooks.  It goes something like this:  "Your hair looks perfect, your hair looks very cute, who cares if your face is a mess?  You look ni---, you look like you.  Who cares.”  ß-lord she sucks....  JWoww gets Jionni on the phone but he says he’s not in the same city.  Btw- what phones are they using? Maybe an international cell phone? They make phone calls really fast in Florence.  Jionni says he can’t talk about what she did to him.  I did a little digging (very little) and found out that Jionni is studying to be a teacher.   Maybe having a girlfriend that shows her gentlemen greeter to the world is a turn off when your interviewing for teaching positions at  the local Catholic high school??  

He tells Snooki that he took a train to Rome.   Snooki gets all pissy and JWoww tells her to not be like Sam.  I love it.  Especially since Sam is still in the same room.  In fact this whole reference to Sam is hilarious in my opinion.  Jwoww keeps calling Snooki “Sam” and tells her to go get “Ron”.  Sammi thinks the whole thing is hilarious too since I guess she’s completely changed from 2 episodes ago.  Don’t get too ahead of yourself girly.  I know you haven’t fought with Ronnie in one episode and that’s the record but you haven’t improved that much.  JWoww and Snooki go to meet Super Mario outside the train station.  He says that he is sorry about the fight but he still has to leave bc his mom changed his ticket.  Snooki begs him to stay and says she’ll pay (take her offer, they got rich off this shit show) but he leaves anyway.   Snooki wants to bury herself in a whole because she feels so horrible.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep Snooki. 

In the house Vinny and Pauly D decide that it would be funny to put furniture on Deena’s bed.  Vinny’s wearing purple pants…..it’s a little suspect but he gets a free pass because he chased Deena out of the shower naked when she tried to call him out.  The crew decides to go out to the club that night but Snooki doesn’t know whether she’s going out or not.  She contemplating it while drinking a beer in bed…..perfectly normal..   She finally goes out to the club and starts dancing like a maniac.  She gets some poor innocent Italian kid and starts choking him out while dancing on the dance floor.  Again, completely normal. 

At the club Deena confides to JWoww that she think she may be pregnant because she’s dizzy and moody all the time.  Btw being dizzy and moody also comes with drinking 24-7 without taking a break, just a FYI.    They leave the club and finally find some Pharmacy that looks like a dungeon where some crypt keeper is just up waiting to sell pregnancy tests at 3am.  Deena takes the test and………………..not pregnant (she just missed a chance at a spinoff show).  MTV decides to show the peed on pregnancy test to the world.  We did not need to see that.  Sidenote: Did anyone see Ronnie passed out on top of Sammi in her bed during this whole scene?  Hilarious. 

Snooki calls Jionni back to check on him.  She’s wearing some hat that she stole from her grandma’s closet and then covered in Zebra hide because you know, that’s what you wear indoors in Florence.  They get into a fight because Jionni says that she was dancing like a pig in front of her and that he was humiliated.   He says that he can’t believe that he had to fly “across the country” to be humiliated ß This is why Americans score so low on the list in Education.  Across the country Jionni?  Really?  Please don’t say that he’s studying to be a Geography teacher.  Snooki gets pissed and tells him that she’s not being herself.  Jionni’s comment is priceless:

“You’re drunk 7 days a week, you’re hooking up with girls and you’re dancing in your underwear.  That’s not you?”

Super Mario- 1, Snooki- 0.  Snooki decides to get the upper hand and says that they need to take a break for a few days.   Poor poor Snooki.  Things never go her way do they?  She decides to turn the living room into her favorite club from back home, Karma, and have a little house party.  Great now instead of going out to get grenades all the roommates are just going to hook up with each other.  They all go and put on their nicest cheetah print dresses and rock Snooki poofs and start fist pumping in the living room.  Of course just like I mention within 30 minutes Snooki starts flirting with STD-uation and he takes the attention and runs with it.  <---- (Creeptastic)

He decides to pull Snooki to the side and confess his love to her.   Where is Sitch at mentally, seriously?  I’m so confused by him this season.  Did that blow to the head mess him up for good?  IMO (that means in my opinion) moment.  I am #TeamSitch on the whole did he/didn’t he hook up with Snooki story.  He mentions that they hooked up before and they hooked up in LA and Snooki says nothing.  Then he mentions it again and there’s this whole “I know what happened.  You know what happened.   So Shut up” conversation.     Hey, guess what?  America doesn’t know what happened.  What the hell happened?!  Someone PLEASE let us know what really happened?!!!  Since Sitch couldn’t hook up with Snooki he decides to bring more drama by mentioning that the guys backed him up when he wanted to Kung Fu fight Jionni last episode.  Snooki is pissed and argues with Xenadrine/Roided out Ronnie about what happened.  Watch out Snooki.  If he starts to go green I would run.  She gives up on fighting and just decides to just go and hook up with Vinny instead…..classy. The end.

A few awards need to be given out for this episode:

JWoww- Best friend Award- She put up with Snooki’s drunken yelling, ran through the streets of Florence looking for Jionni, apologized for ignoring Snooki the next day even though Snooki never apologized to her , went with Deena to get her a pregnancy test at 3am and then defended Snooki against Situation’s accusations even though she doesn’t personally know what happened.  She and her newly bought face deserve a medal.

PaulyD- “Funniest Moment of the Episode” – When he kicks Deena out of his bed even though she is trying so hard to get it in with him.  He doesn’t want to beat that beat up Deena.  Sigh, will she ever learn?

Can’t wait for next week.  Hopefully we’ll be back to Jersey Shore and not the Snooki and friends show that it has been for the past 2 weeks…