Jersey Shore: Season 4, Episode 10- Brought to you by the letter "V" as in Vino

Ok, it’s a new week and a new episode!

This week we get to see the wreckage from what happened last week.  We get to see Snooki do the walk of shame from Vinny’s bed to her room.  Since she’s been drunk 24-7 since flying into Florence she has no idea what happened.  So she decides to go out for mimosas with J-Woww.  J-Woww tells Snooki how Mike told everyone about them hooking up and Snooki is pissed.  I mean she yelled out “crazy pants!!” at him at like 7 in the morning so you know she’s mad. I would be mad too.  She probably caught something. 

During all this Sitch calls his friend “The Unit” (really? The Unit?) and goes all white boy gangsta on the phone while talking about what happened b/t him and Snooki.  Why is he still bragging about this?  I mean Snooki’s gotten on nearly half the house, she isn’t really such a prized commodity is she?  He decides in his best “I smashed my face into a wall” head to make up a lie and say that he gave “The Unit" Jionni’s number and see “who the rat is”.   Pauly D thinks this is hilarious (probably because he’s the only one who stays out of all the drama). While I normally think Mike is an idiot I think he’s really doing all of this just to prove he is right and that Snooki is lying.  Whatever.  MTV needs the ratings so here we go!!

Back to mimosas.  After Snooki and JWoww go out for their daily drink sans food they go running through the streets of Italy.  Snooki is carrying a luggage case with her.  I’m guessing that is just so she’ll be ready to go as they could deport these idiots at any time.  She chases down a nun and then does cartwheels in the street……totally normal.  She also buys a HUGE bottle of wine (I mean HUGE) and proceeds to accidentally drop it and shatter it in the process.  I bet that bottle of wine costs as much as I make in a month and she just laughs it off.  FML….why did I go to college?

Anywho they make their way back to the house and the minute Snooki hears that Sitch may have ratted her out she starts running through the house like a crazy woman throwing anything she can at him.   No one tries to stop this fight.  Mike’s bobbing and weaving (kind of like Snooki did on him) and trying to get away from little 4’9” Snooki.  All Snooki can do is yell and say “Fuck you!” (i.e. she’s guilty).  Btw- wth is going on with Sitch’s hair in Italy this season?  It looks like a weasel died on his head.

The gang splits up for some unknown reason.  The girls go to a wine tasting tour in Tuscany and the boys go to visit Vinny’s family in Sicily.  Snooki and JWoww have a mini argument since Snooki doesn’t want to get up.  Does anyone notice how Snooki keeps saying that JWoww is a bad best friend but really Snooki is the crappy friend??  Just saying.  Anywho they put on their dresses that show the least cleavage and their best church hats (Snooki’s is cheetah print of course) and head out the door. 

In order from L to R: Ronnie, Vinnie, Small Vinny, Medium Vinny, Pauly D, Sitch

The guys arrive at Sicily and Vinny’s family comes out.  I mean the entire family came out for a chance to be on TV, I mean a chance to meet Vinny.  They have a 1000 course dinner and look at old pictures.  The best part is really Sitch being hit by a soccer ball in the junk.  The cast has been wanting to do that all season.  Good times (Ryan yawn). 

^^^"I've been drunk since I got to Italy"

The girls go on the wine tour at an old castle.  They really aren’t interested in the history of the wine at all.  They just pretty much want to get wasted and make it look classy.  They get their wine and start talking about Jionni.  JWoww tells Snooki the damage is done and to move on since she hooked up with Vinny.  Snooki gets pissed and ends up screaming and running out of the place and into the street.  She has no idea where to go though so it basically looks like she is running in circles.  Sometimes she needs a leash.   The rest of the wine tour is JWoww being on her phone while the man is talking and Snooki passing out on top of barrels of wine.  I’m almost done writing the“I’m Sorry from America” cards to Tuscany.  Great trip guys.

They get back to Florence and Snooki & J-Woww make up (she’s gotta keep her hot friend) and then she proceeds to call her dad.  Her dad tells her that Jionni changed his Facebook status to “single”.  Hahaha it’s not real if it’s not on FB is it?  She calls Jionni and they have an argument over the phone about the status change.  Then she tells Jionni that she and Vinny didn’t have sex but she slept in his bed and they "hooked up" or whatever.  Jionni says to tell Vinny he’s dead next time he sees him and then breaks up with her.  Lord what I would pay to see Super Mario and Lazy Eyed Vinny have it out…

Later Snooki puts on her best hot pink outfit and stunner shades (indoors) to call Jionni and try to win him back.  Does she know he can’t see her through the phone?  Anywho, Jionni is pissed but he must have checked his bank balance since then because he takes her back.  The funny part is AFTER all of this she finally decides to ask Vinny what actually happened.  He tells Snooki that they had sex.  She honestly can’t remember having sex with Vinny.  Has this happened to anyone?  Seriously please tell me what you drink to make that happen because I’ve gotten stupid messed up drunk before and forgot where I went or who I talked to but I’ve never forgotten if I’ve “done the diddy” or not.  Snooki ends up having to call Jionni and change her story (which should work out well) and that’s all she wrote folks.

 

"Did we smush or what?"

I guess we’ll have to wait until next week to watch Jionni break up with Snooki over the phone.  Also coming up next week Pauly D dives off the deep by seriously considering “getting it in” with Deena and they have an Intervention-like meeting with Sitch.  Stay with me people.  I recap just for you!!  Ciao!!

Teen Mom Season 3, Reunion Pt. 2- Let's put Hot Ryan and Translucent Kyle in the same room and get some answers!!!

"I still love you"   "I still love you too"

Here we go guys!!  Part 2 of the Reunion since MTV wants to take up 2 weeks of my time with this mess....

The reunion starts where we left off with Amber coming back onto stage after she ran off last week.  Shoot I thought that was the last I’d see of her.  She seems to be doing much better after her little jaunt backstage.  They talk a little bit more but I’m just ignoring drugged out Amber and her slurry mom.  I want the other couples. 

Ok, now to the good stuff. Tyler and Catelynn are up first.  They show clips of the show.  Frankly I think that they are the best and smartest couple on the show because of all of the adult decisions they made throughout the duration of this show.   You can tell they’re really here to talk about serious issues because Catelynn has on her best bow in her hair with her 1980’s Flashdance off the shoulder t-shirt and Tyler has on his best Ed Hardy knock off tee. They say that their relationship is going well.  They also say that Tyler gets second thoughts about the relationship.  Catelynn is obviously insecure about this since she realizes that she’s gained a bit of weight and she thinks Tyler is going to leave her (he might – I don’t sugar coat).

 ***I mean, don’t get me wrong but think about who you dated when you were 17.  Are you still together?  There’s only a small percentage that say yes…

Tyler says that issues with Butch are unresolved since he’s back in jail (man, I’m so pissed we don’t get to see the mullet this episode).  Apparently he violated his parole violation and was videotaped out with April.  Who turned him in?  TMZ? 

Now just what I wanted.  They bring out April.  She’s wearing her best tank top (sans bra) and is rocking black boots outside of her jeans.  If she would’ve combed her hair an put on her lip balm she would’ve easily looked the best she has looked all season.  April is still hung up on the Carly adoption situation. Honestly April is being calm and articulate.  I’m a bit disappointed.  They’ve all gotten really close through this entire process.  ***Spoiler Alert**** It stinks that Butch got out of jail and got all cracked out and choked April out causing an upcoming divorce….  Their reunion section was so sweet and calm (insert Ryan yawn).  I’m happy for them.

Moving on to what I’ve been wanting for the past week!!  Goldilocks is going to talk about her relationships with Ry-yawn and the Abominable Snowman!!!!.   The best part about all of this is that I’m going to get to see Ryan!!  Yay!!!!  Drew starts out by asking about Ryan. Thank you Dr. Drew!!! Maci says their friendship/co-parenting is going well.  Maci still wants to have another baby because she’s absolutely nuts.  Dr. Drew is trying to talk her out of it.  Probably because this baby would not nearly be as cute as the one she had with Ryan (I’m just being honest people).  They decide to bring out Kyle.  He looks sick to his stomach thinking about having a baby with Maci.  Kyle says that dating a teen mom is hard because of the drama.  He asks Kyle if they broke up would he still want to be part of Bentley’s life.  Kyle says he would like to but Maci shuts that down because she doesn’t want to hurt Bentley.  She says that she feels bad about taking away years from her parents because she moved out when she was 17.   Maci- they’re okay.  Maci also mentions that her parents got married and had her baby when they were 17 and Dr. Drew didn’t know that.  Um, isn’t he supposed to know everything about these people by now?  She also mentions that she got pregnant the first time she had sex "like in the first hour of her having sex she got pregnant".  First of all, within the first hour?  Ryan was putting in WORK wasn’t he?  It probably was the hardest she’s ever seen him work actually.  It wasn’t HIS first time I guess…

Now they bring out Ryan (Yay!!! ßme cheering!).  Where did they hide Kyle??  Oh well who cares.  Ryan is looking hot as usual. Ryan says that he didn’t want to take her to court because he thinks that they can work their parenting issues out on their own.  He also thinks Maci is crazy for wanting to have another baby.   Dr. Drew asks Ryan what the next 5 years would look like.  He says that he would want Maci to be happy and he wants them to get along.  Maci agrees.  So are they going to get back together or not?  I’m confused.  He mentions that if he had been the one to move to Nashville and move in with someone that Maci would’ve freaked.  Dr. Drew asks if he misses Maci when she’s not around.  Ryan says no.  Drewsers eludes that Ryan may still be in love with Maci.  Ryan says that without a doubt that he’s still loves her as a person because she’s the mom of his child.  He says that Maci will be in his life until the day that she dies.  Dr. Drew says that he was pulling for them to get back together (as was America) and they both say that wouldn’t be healthy (right now).  Dr. Drew reluctantly decides to bring out Kyle, or as Maci says it “Kyyyyyy”.  Ryan says that Kyle is a good guy and that Kyle and Maci seem happy.  Ryan says that it was rough when they first met (because Ryan still loved Maci right?) but they are okay now.  Kyle was doing a lot of talking but I couldn’t understand it all because he can’t open his mouth.  Ryan and Maci have some conversation about not getting along sometimes and blah blah blah.  I think Dr. Drew helped them through it but I had to Ryan yawn so I missed that part.  Are Maci and Ryan back together yet?  Not yet?  Okay….  Ryan’s advice to teen parents is to do everything you could to work it out and to be there for your child.  Dr. Drew asks Ryan if he did everything he could to work it out with Maci (#Boom!) and Ryan doesn’t agree or deny to it.  Ryan says that if he could do it over again he would’ve tried to work harder on everything.  Maci looks sad about it because secretly she loves Ryan still.  You know you see it America.  I’m just putting it on paper (electronic paper).

 

Itsyoursexlife.com plug!!!!  

In the end they bring out everyone on stage and it’s fun and awkward and just like a real reunion.  The cast gets to ask each other questions.  All the moms say that they’re better off now then they were at the beginning of the shows (thanks MTV money).  Amber asks Catelynn if they’ve chosen a date for their wedding yet (really?).  Catelynn says July 15^th of some year that they don’t know yet (it’s not gonna happen).  Bentley goes and sits next to Farrah.  It is the cutest thing ever.  He’s got a crush on Farrah.  Watch out Farrah!!   Sophia does a monster face and Leah is running around in a ball gown wanting attention so she gets to say goodbye to everyone.

Well, I guess it is goodbye to another Season of Teen Mom.   I hope they show a Season 4 otherwise I won’t know what to do with my time on Tuesday evenings.  Maybe sleep??….Naw….I’ll probably just Google pictures of Ryan and try to contact him via Facebook and Twitter.  Bentley your stepmom is on the way!!!!!

Jersey Shore: "Gym, Tan, Look like a Ho on National Television"

If you wanna have fun & do something craaaazy (Like recap this mess)!!!!

The episode starts the morning after Snooki and Jionni (Super Mario)’s fight.  Snooki was showing off her goodies in the club and Jionni left her.    She wakes up and feels horrible since she can’t get in touch with him.  So, she does what any other concerned girlfriend would do....  She decides to go out and get stupid drunk again.  She wants JWoww to go but JWoww’s not putting up with her crazy midget ass since they were in a screaming match the night before.  Snooki puts on a size Medium Men's Ed Hardy Shirt (I'm guessing) with a belt and apparently 2 abominable snowmen made shoes and books it out of the house.  Once she gets to the bar Snooki decides to announce to everyone what happened between her and her boyfriend since she thinks they all should know (no one in the bar cares) and then continues to dance to house music.....at 11am....classy.

Back at the pizzeria, Pauly D, Ronnie and Deena are all working together.   The boss makes Deena clean the toilet. She throws a fit because apparently she’s above cleaning toilets??  I don’t know why shes’s mad.  This would be a great resume booster for her interview with McDonalds in 2 years.  Deena mops the floor and then picks up the mop and rubs it all over the toilet seat…disgusting.  I will forever hover in public bathrooms from here on out.

Snooki makes it home and decides to drunk dial her father to let him know how upset she is.  Her dad starts to get angry on Snooki’s behalf.  What I would do to see a picture of Snooki’s dad.  I imagine he looks something like a mix between Mario and Luigi and he’s about 5’2”.    While on the phone she starts to get mad at JWoww for not being her designated drinking buddy for the day.  JWoww apologizes since she realizes that Snooki is basically helpless at this point.  Did anyone see JWoww’s floaties during this scene (you couldn’t miss them)?  They were huge & all over the place the whole time.  What was going on there?  #teamyouneedabraatalltimes..  Snooki is extremely depressed and is bringing down the mood of the entire house.  Jwoww goes to call Jionni to beg him to talk to Snooki.  While she’s gone Sammi “Sweetheart?” goes in to comfort Snooks.  It goes something like this:  "Your hair looks perfect, your hair looks very cute, who cares if your face is a mess?  You look ni---, you look like you.  Who cares.”  ß-lord she sucks....  JWoww gets Jionni on the phone but he says he’s not in the same city.  Btw- what phones are they using? Maybe an international cell phone? They make phone calls really fast in Florence.  Jionni says he can’t talk about what she did to him.  I did a little digging (very little) and found out that Jionni is studying to be a teacher.   Maybe having a girlfriend that shows her gentlemen greeter to the world is a turn off when your interviewing for teaching positions at  the local Catholic high school??  

He tells Snooki that he took a train to Rome.   Snooki gets all pissy and JWoww tells her to not be like Sam.  I love it.  Especially since Sam is still in the same room.  In fact this whole reference to Sam is hilarious in my opinion.  Jwoww keeps calling Snooki “Sam” and tells her to go get “Ron”.  Sammi thinks the whole thing is hilarious too since I guess she’s completely changed from 2 episodes ago.  Don’t get too ahead of yourself girly.  I know you haven’t fought with Ronnie in one episode and that’s the record but you haven’t improved that much.  JWoww and Snooki go to meet Super Mario outside the train station.  He says that he is sorry about the fight but he still has to leave bc his mom changed his ticket.  Snooki begs him to stay and says she’ll pay (take her offer, they got rich off this shit show) but he leaves anyway.   Snooki wants to bury herself in a whole because she feels so horrible.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep Snooki. 

In the house Vinny and Pauly D decide that it would be funny to put furniture on Deena’s bed.  Vinny’s wearing purple pants…..it’s a little suspect but he gets a free pass because he chased Deena out of the shower naked when she tried to call him out.  The crew decides to go out to the club that night but Snooki doesn’t know whether she’s going out or not.  She contemplating it while drinking a beer in bed…..perfectly normal..   She finally goes out to the club and starts dancing like a maniac.  She gets some poor innocent Italian kid and starts choking him out while dancing on the dance floor.  Again, completely normal. 

At the club Deena confides to JWoww that she think she may be pregnant because she’s dizzy and moody all the time.  Btw being dizzy and moody also comes with drinking 24-7 without taking a break, just a FYI.    They leave the club and finally find some Pharmacy that looks like a dungeon where some crypt keeper is just up waiting to sell pregnancy tests at 3am.  Deena takes the test and………………..not pregnant (she just missed a chance at a spinoff show).  MTV decides to show the peed on pregnancy test to the world.  We did not need to see that.  Sidenote: Did anyone see Ronnie passed out on top of Sammi in her bed during this whole scene?  Hilarious. 

Snooki calls Jionni back to check on him.  She’s wearing some hat that she stole from her grandma’s closet and then covered in Zebra hide because you know, that’s what you wear indoors in Florence.  They get into a fight because Jionni says that she was dancing like a pig in front of her and that he was humiliated.   He says that he can’t believe that he had to fly “across the country” to be humiliated ß This is why Americans score so low on the list in Education.  Across the country Jionni?  Really?  Please don’t say that he’s studying to be a Geography teacher.  Snooki gets pissed and tells him that she’s not being herself.  Jionni’s comment is priceless:

“You’re drunk 7 days a week, you’re hooking up with girls and you’re dancing in your underwear.  That’s not you?”

Super Mario- 1, Snooki- 0.  Snooki decides to get the upper hand and says that they need to take a break for a few days.   Poor poor Snooki.  Things never go her way do they?  She decides to turn the living room into her favorite club from back home, Karma, and have a little house party.  Great now instead of going out to get grenades all the roommates are just going to hook up with each other.  They all go and put on their nicest cheetah print dresses and rock Snooki poofs and start fist pumping in the living room.  Of course just like I mention within 30 minutes Snooki starts flirting with STD-uation and he takes the attention and runs with it.  <---- (Creeptastic)

He decides to pull Snooki to the side and confess his love to her.   Where is Sitch at mentally, seriously?  I’m so confused by him this season.  Did that blow to the head mess him up for good?  IMO (that means in my opinion) moment.  I am #TeamSitch on the whole did he/didn’t he hook up with Snooki story.  He mentions that they hooked up before and they hooked up in LA and Snooki says nothing.  Then he mentions it again and there’s this whole “I know what happened.  You know what happened.   So Shut up” conversation.     Hey, guess what?  America doesn’t know what happened.  What the hell happened?!  Someone PLEASE let us know what really happened?!!!  Since Sitch couldn’t hook up with Snooki he decides to bring more drama by mentioning that the guys backed him up when he wanted to Kung Fu fight Jionni last episode.  Snooki is pissed and argues with Xenadrine/Roided out Ronnie about what happened.  Watch out Snooki.  If he starts to go green I would run.  She gives up on fighting and just decides to just go and hook up with Vinny instead…..classy. The end.

A few awards need to be given out for this episode:

JWoww- Best friend Award- She put up with Snooki’s drunken yelling, ran through the streets of Florence looking for Jionni, apologized for ignoring Snooki the next day even though Snooki never apologized to her , went with Deena to get her a pregnancy test at 3am and then defended Snooki against Situation’s accusations even though she doesn’t personally know what happened.  She and her newly bought face deserve a medal.

PaulyD- “Funniest Moment of the Episode” – When he kicks Deena out of his bed even though she is trying so hard to get it in with him.  He doesn’t want to beat that beat up Deena.  Sigh, will she ever learn?

Can’t wait for next week.  Hopefully we’ll be back to Jersey Shore and not the Snooki and friends show that it has been for the past 2 weeks…