Teen Mom Season 3, Reunion Pt. 2- Let's put Hot Ryan and Translucent Kyle in the same room and get some answers!!!

"I still love you"   "I still love you too"

Here we go guys!!  Part 2 of the Reunion since MTV wants to take up 2 weeks of my time with this mess....

The reunion starts where we left off with Amber coming back onto stage after she ran off last week.  Shoot I thought that was the last I’d see of her.  She seems to be doing much better after her little jaunt backstage.  They talk a little bit more but I’m just ignoring drugged out Amber and her slurry mom.  I want the other couples. 

Ok, now to the good stuff. Tyler and Catelynn are up first.  They show clips of the show.  Frankly I think that they are the best and smartest couple on the show because of all of the adult decisions they made throughout the duration of this show.   You can tell they’re really here to talk about serious issues because Catelynn has on her best bow in her hair with her 1980’s Flashdance off the shoulder t-shirt and Tyler has on his best Ed Hardy knock off tee. They say that their relationship is going well.  They also say that Tyler gets second thoughts about the relationship.  Catelynn is obviously insecure about this since she realizes that she’s gained a bit of weight and she thinks Tyler is going to leave her (he might – I don’t sugar coat).

 ***I mean, don’t get me wrong but think about who you dated when you were 17.  Are you still together?  There’s only a small percentage that say yes…

Tyler says that issues with Butch are unresolved since he’s back in jail (man, I’m so pissed we don’t get to see the mullet this episode).  Apparently he violated his parole violation and was videotaped out with April.  Who turned him in?  TMZ? 

Now just what I wanted.  They bring out April.  She’s wearing her best tank top (sans bra) and is rocking black boots outside of her jeans.  If she would’ve combed her hair an put on her lip balm she would’ve easily looked the best she has looked all season.  April is still hung up on the Carly adoption situation. Honestly April is being calm and articulate.  I’m a bit disappointed.  They’ve all gotten really close through this entire process.  ***Spoiler Alert**** It stinks that Butch got out of jail and got all cracked out and choked April out causing an upcoming divorce….  Their reunion section was so sweet and calm (insert Ryan yawn).  I’m happy for them.

Moving on to what I’ve been wanting for the past week!!  Goldilocks is going to talk about her relationships with Ry-yawn and the Abominable Snowman!!!!.   The best part about all of this is that I’m going to get to see Ryan!!  Yay!!!!  Drew starts out by asking about Ryan. Thank you Dr. Drew!!! Maci says their friendship/co-parenting is going well.  Maci still wants to have another baby because she’s absolutely nuts.  Dr. Drew is trying to talk her out of it.  Probably because this baby would not nearly be as cute as the one she had with Ryan (I’m just being honest people).  They decide to bring out Kyle.  He looks sick to his stomach thinking about having a baby with Maci.  Kyle says that dating a teen mom is hard because of the drama.  He asks Kyle if they broke up would he still want to be part of Bentley’s life.  Kyle says he would like to but Maci shuts that down because she doesn’t want to hurt Bentley.  She says that she feels bad about taking away years from her parents because she moved out when she was 17.   Maci- they’re okay.  Maci also mentions that her parents got married and had her baby when they were 17 and Dr. Drew didn’t know that.  Um, isn’t he supposed to know everything about these people by now?  She also mentions that she got pregnant the first time she had sex "like in the first hour of her having sex she got pregnant".  First of all, within the first hour?  Ryan was putting in WORK wasn’t he?  It probably was the hardest she’s ever seen him work actually.  It wasn’t HIS first time I guess…

Now they bring out Ryan (Yay!!! ßme cheering!).  Where did they hide Kyle??  Oh well who cares.  Ryan is looking hot as usual. Ryan says that he didn’t want to take her to court because he thinks that they can work their parenting issues out on their own.  He also thinks Maci is crazy for wanting to have another baby.   Dr. Drew asks Ryan what the next 5 years would look like.  He says that he would want Maci to be happy and he wants them to get along.  Maci agrees.  So are they going to get back together or not?  I’m confused.  He mentions that if he had been the one to move to Nashville and move in with someone that Maci would’ve freaked.  Dr. Drew asks if he misses Maci when she’s not around.  Ryan says no.  Drewsers eludes that Ryan may still be in love with Maci.  Ryan says that without a doubt that he’s still loves her as a person because she’s the mom of his child.  He says that Maci will be in his life until the day that she dies.  Dr. Drew says that he was pulling for them to get back together (as was America) and they both say that wouldn’t be healthy (right now).  Dr. Drew reluctantly decides to bring out Kyle, or as Maci says it “Kyyyyyy”.  Ryan says that Kyle is a good guy and that Kyle and Maci seem happy.  Ryan says that it was rough when they first met (because Ryan still loved Maci right?) but they are okay now.  Kyle was doing a lot of talking but I couldn’t understand it all because he can’t open his mouth.  Ryan and Maci have some conversation about not getting along sometimes and blah blah blah.  I think Dr. Drew helped them through it but I had to Ryan yawn so I missed that part.  Are Maci and Ryan back together yet?  Not yet?  Okay….  Ryan’s advice to teen parents is to do everything you could to work it out and to be there for your child.  Dr. Drew asks Ryan if he did everything he could to work it out with Maci (#Boom!) and Ryan doesn’t agree or deny to it.  Ryan says that if he could do it over again he would’ve tried to work harder on everything.  Maci looks sad about it because secretly she loves Ryan still.  You know you see it America.  I’m just putting it on paper (electronic paper).

 

Itsyoursexlife.com plug!!!!  

In the end they bring out everyone on stage and it’s fun and awkward and just like a real reunion.  The cast gets to ask each other questions.  All the moms say that they’re better off now then they were at the beginning of the shows (thanks MTV money).  Amber asks Catelynn if they’ve chosen a date for their wedding yet (really?).  Catelynn says July 15^th of some year that they don’t know yet (it’s not gonna happen).  Bentley goes and sits next to Farrah.  It is the cutest thing ever.  He’s got a crush on Farrah.  Watch out Farrah!!   Sophia does a monster face and Leah is running around in a ball gown wanting attention so she gets to say goodbye to everyone.

Well, I guess it is goodbye to another Season of Teen Mom.   I hope they show a Season 4 otherwise I won’t know what to do with my time on Tuesday evenings.  Maybe sleep??….Naw….I’ll probably just Google pictures of Ryan and try to contact him via Facebook and Twitter.  Bentley your stepmom is on the way!!!!!

Jersey Shore: "Gym, Tan, Look like a Ho on National Television"

If you wanna have fun & do something craaaazy (Like recap this mess)!!!!

The episode starts the morning after Snooki and Jionni (Super Mario)’s fight.  Snooki was showing off her goodies in the club and Jionni left her.    She wakes up and feels horrible since she can’t get in touch with him.  So, she does what any other concerned girlfriend would do....  She decides to go out and get stupid drunk again.  She wants JWoww to go but JWoww’s not putting up with her crazy midget ass since they were in a screaming match the night before.  Snooki puts on a size Medium Men's Ed Hardy Shirt (I'm guessing) with a belt and apparently 2 abominable snowmen made shoes and books it out of the house.  Once she gets to the bar Snooki decides to announce to everyone what happened between her and her boyfriend since she thinks they all should know (no one in the bar cares) and then continues to dance to house music.....at 11am....classy.

Back at the pizzeria, Pauly D, Ronnie and Deena are all working together.   The boss makes Deena clean the toilet. She throws a fit because apparently she’s above cleaning toilets??  I don’t know why shes’s mad.  This would be a great resume booster for her interview with McDonalds in 2 years.  Deena mops the floor and then picks up the mop and rubs it all over the toilet seat…disgusting.  I will forever hover in public bathrooms from here on out.

Snooki makes it home and decides to drunk dial her father to let him know how upset she is.  Her dad starts to get angry on Snooki’s behalf.  What I would do to see a picture of Snooki’s dad.  I imagine he looks something like a mix between Mario and Luigi and he’s about 5’2”.    While on the phone she starts to get mad at JWoww for not being her designated drinking buddy for the day.  JWoww apologizes since she realizes that Snooki is basically helpless at this point.  Did anyone see JWoww’s floaties during this scene (you couldn’t miss them)?  They were huge & all over the place the whole time.  What was going on there?  #teamyouneedabraatalltimes..  Snooki is extremely depressed and is bringing down the mood of the entire house.  Jwoww goes to call Jionni to beg him to talk to Snooki.  While she’s gone Sammi “Sweetheart?” goes in to comfort Snooks.  It goes something like this:  "Your hair looks perfect, your hair looks very cute, who cares if your face is a mess?  You look ni---, you look like you.  Who cares.”  ß-lord she sucks....  JWoww gets Jionni on the phone but he says he’s not in the same city.  Btw- what phones are they using? Maybe an international cell phone? They make phone calls really fast in Florence.  Jionni says he can’t talk about what she did to him.  I did a little digging (very little) and found out that Jionni is studying to be a teacher.   Maybe having a girlfriend that shows her gentlemen greeter to the world is a turn off when your interviewing for teaching positions at  the local Catholic high school??  

He tells Snooki that he took a train to Rome.   Snooki gets all pissy and JWoww tells her to not be like Sam.  I love it.  Especially since Sam is still in the same room.  In fact this whole reference to Sam is hilarious in my opinion.  Jwoww keeps calling Snooki “Sam” and tells her to go get “Ron”.  Sammi thinks the whole thing is hilarious too since I guess she’s completely changed from 2 episodes ago.  Don’t get too ahead of yourself girly.  I know you haven’t fought with Ronnie in one episode and that’s the record but you haven’t improved that much.  JWoww and Snooki go to meet Super Mario outside the train station.  He says that he is sorry about the fight but he still has to leave bc his mom changed his ticket.  Snooki begs him to stay and says she’ll pay (take her offer, they got rich off this shit show) but he leaves anyway.   Snooki wants to bury herself in a whole because she feels so horrible.  Don’t make promises you can’t keep Snooki. 

In the house Vinny and Pauly D decide that it would be funny to put furniture on Deena’s bed.  Vinny’s wearing purple pants…..it’s a little suspect but he gets a free pass because he chased Deena out of the shower naked when she tried to call him out.  The crew decides to go out to the club that night but Snooki doesn’t know whether she’s going out or not.  She contemplating it while drinking a beer in bed…..perfectly normal..   She finally goes out to the club and starts dancing like a maniac.  She gets some poor innocent Italian kid and starts choking him out while dancing on the dance floor.  Again, completely normal. 

At the club Deena confides to JWoww that she think she may be pregnant because she’s dizzy and moody all the time.  Btw being dizzy and moody also comes with drinking 24-7 without taking a break, just a FYI.    They leave the club and finally find some Pharmacy that looks like a dungeon where some crypt keeper is just up waiting to sell pregnancy tests at 3am.  Deena takes the test and………………..not pregnant (she just missed a chance at a spinoff show).  MTV decides to show the peed on pregnancy test to the world.  We did not need to see that.  Sidenote: Did anyone see Ronnie passed out on top of Sammi in her bed during this whole scene?  Hilarious. 

Snooki calls Jionni back to check on him.  She’s wearing some hat that she stole from her grandma’s closet and then covered in Zebra hide because you know, that’s what you wear indoors in Florence.  They get into a fight because Jionni says that she was dancing like a pig in front of her and that he was humiliated.   He says that he can’t believe that he had to fly “across the country” to be humiliated ß This is why Americans score so low on the list in Education.  Across the country Jionni?  Really?  Please don’t say that he’s studying to be a Geography teacher.  Snooki gets pissed and tells him that she’s not being herself.  Jionni’s comment is priceless:

“You’re drunk 7 days a week, you’re hooking up with girls and you’re dancing in your underwear.  That’s not you?”

Super Mario- 1, Snooki- 0.  Snooki decides to get the upper hand and says that they need to take a break for a few days.   Poor poor Snooki.  Things never go her way do they?  She decides to turn the living room into her favorite club from back home, Karma, and have a little house party.  Great now instead of going out to get grenades all the roommates are just going to hook up with each other.  They all go and put on their nicest cheetah print dresses and rock Snooki poofs and start fist pumping in the living room.  Of course just like I mention within 30 minutes Snooki starts flirting with STD-uation and he takes the attention and runs with it.  <---- (Creeptastic)

He decides to pull Snooki to the side and confess his love to her.   Where is Sitch at mentally, seriously?  I’m so confused by him this season.  Did that blow to the head mess him up for good?  IMO (that means in my opinion) moment.  I am #TeamSitch on the whole did he/didn’t he hook up with Snooki story.  He mentions that they hooked up before and they hooked up in LA and Snooki says nothing.  Then he mentions it again and there’s this whole “I know what happened.  You know what happened.   So Shut up” conversation.     Hey, guess what?  America doesn’t know what happened.  What the hell happened?!  Someone PLEASE let us know what really happened?!!!  Since Sitch couldn’t hook up with Snooki he decides to bring more drama by mentioning that the guys backed him up when he wanted to Kung Fu fight Jionni last episode.  Snooki is pissed and argues with Xenadrine/Roided out Ronnie about what happened.  Watch out Snooki.  If he starts to go green I would run.  She gives up on fighting and just decides to just go and hook up with Vinny instead…..classy. The end.

A few awards need to be given out for this episode:

JWoww- Best friend Award- She put up with Snooki’s drunken yelling, ran through the streets of Florence looking for Jionni, apologized for ignoring Snooki the next day even though Snooki never apologized to her , went with Deena to get her a pregnancy test at 3am and then defended Snooki against Situation’s accusations even though she doesn’t personally know what happened.  She and her newly bought face deserve a medal.

PaulyD- “Funniest Moment of the Episode” – When he kicks Deena out of his bed even though she is trying so hard to get it in with him.  He doesn’t want to beat that beat up Deena.  Sigh, will she ever learn?

Can’t wait for next week.  Hopefully we’ll be back to Jersey Shore and not the Snooki and friends show that it has been for the past 2 weeks…

Teen Mom Season 3: Reunion Special Pt. 1 - Amber and her eyelashes walked off the set

Teen Mom Reunion Special Time!!!! ---à Well, part one anyway....Someone please explain to me why they needed a two part special?

First off, they have all 4 girls on the stage and they are only going to talk to 2 of them…..lame.  Maci’s rocking those greasy blond extensions, Amber’s lashes are going from her face to the floor (and I think she’s high right now), Catelynn has switched from a flower to a bow in her hair (Btw-1992 called, they want their hair back).  I also think that Farrah is wearing a mumu?  Dr. Drew starts out and asks Maci what’s the deal with the pacifier.  She says that Bentley doesn't have the pacifier in at all times (LIES!).  Then she literally jokes about it saying  "If he has a pacifier at 17 then he won’t get his girlfriend pregnant".  Does she still not know how babies are made?  Catelynn says that she plans to start college for early childhood development in the fall.  Based on what we saw of her progress at school that’s definitely where she needs to start.  Basic Ed.  Amber says that Leah goes potty and then runs around the house completely naked afterward (foreshadowing anyone?).

Farrah is up first.  Farrah says that she is still planning on going to Florida.  Dr. Drew starts off and asks her why she doesn’t have any friends.  He thinks she should have lots of friends.  Does he watch the same show we do?   Here it comes!! Here it comes!!!  #Boom!  Ugly cry!!  She says it’s hard to find real friends (Newsflash: It’s because you are so rude and mean to people).   Dr. Drew keeps going in and asks Farrah about Derek.  He just really wants to see this ugly cry turn into a full out wail doesn’t he?  She says that being a Teen mom is very hard and that ppl need to educate themselves about contraceptives.  She hopes to meet friends and educate herself and have a great time with Sophia in Florida.  She plans to leave Sophia in Iowa for 2 weeks (she'll change her mind on that really quick) but she never told Debra that news.  Well, guess what?  Just like an old Maury episode, Debra is backstage and just heard the news and she’s ready to come out and give us a piece of her mind.  Come onnnnnnn out Debra!!!!  Of course Farrah decides that she will rudely explain to her mom that she’s taking Sophia away from her.  Alas, Debra and her perfectly feathered hair stay calm through all this drama.  She seems upset because she spent all this time fixing up Farrah's old room for Sophia.  Farrah cries saying that she doesn’t want Sophia in her bedroom because there are “lots of memories in that room” (was Sophia conceived there?).  Farrah’s having a lot of trouble moving on and the tears are spilling all down that orange tanned face of hers.  Dr. Drew tells her to let go of the fantasy of her childhood (THANK YOU DR. DREW) and to move on.  Just like I'm about to move on...

Next up is Amber.  Here we go people!!  Question time.  What drug is Amber on while taping this episode?  Uppers? Downers?  Is she falling asleep or just high?  Why is she swaying?  So many questions…well, at least her shoes are cute.  Dr. Drew starts out by asking about the domestic violence charges.  Amber doesn’t know what the status is of everything but she’s scared.  She doesn’t seem to understand why people are upset at her for hitting Gary.  Amber says that she and Gary are trying to work things out (bad idea).  Amber also says that “If you’re watching this show and you think it is glamorous then what is wrong with you.”  ßmost informative thing she’s ever said.  Dr. Drew commends her for trying to get help (and I do to, cause she’s a fucking train wreck).  The next part is still a bit weird to me.  Amber starts talking about her sister that she lost to SIDS.  She says that she was about 4 or 5 and then she starts doing the ugly cry (that’s Farrah’s cry Amber.  Stop it) and swaying a bit.  Her voice starts raising a few octaves and then she totally loses it.  It’s a mess.  Why is this the first time that she's mentioned her sister?  She's been on this show for YEARS and she's never mentioned this at all.  Is someone reaching for sympathy points??  Of course right after they get Amber's drug riddled emotions all up they decide to bring out Gary.  Gary’s wearing his nicest blue shirt (looking like the pacific ocean) and the buttons are screaming out for help.  Dr, Drew says that Gary constanly pushed Amber’s buttons this season.  Gary disagrees.  Btw, where did Gary’s neck go?  Is that a question for another show?  They discuss not having the joint birthday party.  Gary says he didn’t want a joint party to protect Leah from their fighting.  Amber jumps in with the attitude, the sour face and some neck rolling to let us all know that she had “changed” by then.  If you listen very quietly you will hear the caterpillars on her lashes mutter “mmmm hmmm”.  Gary says that he wants to be with Amber and that he’s in love with her.  Dr. Drew asks Amber if she’s in love with Gary and she just sits there and looks around ß--here’s your sign Gary.  Dr. Drew tries to sugar coat it all by saying that Amber doesn’t feel safe being in love with Gary but I don’t need a PHD to see that Amber thinks that she can do better than Gary.  Does Amber know that she's taping the reunion special for Teen Mom and not going to party with the cast of Jersey Shore later?  With her tan, her fake lashes (that I assume she got free with her purchase of LA Colors eyeshadow) and her stringy hair extensions it looks like she thought she was going to hang out with the gang right after the show.  I mean she obviously was DTF at one point right?  Too much?  Ok.... They finally talk about Amber’s relationship with her mom, Tonya.    Tonya comes out and I start trying to figure out if Amber just looks like her dad or what happened there.  Btw, was Tonya on any substances back in the day or does she need some dental work done?  It’s hard to understand what she’s saying sometimes.   They start talking about Amber’s sister Candice that passed away from SIDS and Amber dramatically walks off stage.  Amber’s mom just sits there like a bump on a log (great parenting) while Dr. Drew goes to comfort Amber......to be continued......(Insert Ryan yawn here).

In all this special was kind of a bore.  Dr. Drew asked a few questions but he didn't get to the really good ones.  I mean I still had some written down on my paper:


*Farrah, why are you a complete b*tch to your parents ALL the time?  Don't you know that's disrespectful?


*Gary what is up with your one cute friend and where can we get his information?


*Amber, what's up with your education?  Will you ever graduate high school or are you just going to ride this out before you start stripping?


*Has anyone else (besides myself) thought about having a baby with Ryan?

Sigh, oh well.  They show some clips of next week.  Catelynn is worried that Tyler might dip out on her (he might).  Kyle and Ryan fight and I actually see Kyle’s teeth.  Sophia does the monster face.  Looks like next week will be much more exciting.  As promised I will stay up late and recap the crap out of next week as well.  Let’s hope I don’t have to repeatedly splash myself in the face with water to stay awake for that one.

Stay tuned!!!!