Teen Mom 2 Season 2; Episode 2 “That was my chaaaange purse Jenelle!!!”

No more apple juice mom!!!

We live in a car down by the river.

Our new place!

"Don't steal my thunder b*tch"

Kailyn

Well Kailyn is a bit stressed because her mom’s boyfriend wrote her a letter the night before and she isn’t happy about it.  To sum it up he basically wrote for her to clean her room and dust it and that he and her mom don’t like living like trash.  This all would make sense if the room was actually messy but the funny thing is that the room isn’t messy at all (cocaine is a hell of a drug isn’t it?).  She is upset and thinks that she may get kicked out of her mom’s place.  I’m guessing there were other issues besides this note because if not her crying is a little over the top.  Boo…I hate to see the Cowardly Lion sad.  She starts thinking of ways to get out of her mom’s house.  She goes to eat lunch with Jordan and tells him about how unhappy she is.  Jordan tries to make her feel better but he also makes it clear that he’s perfectly content living with his parents (please upgrade Kailyn).  Jordan suggests going on welfare but Kailyn says that she has too much pride to go on welfare.  In the end, Kailyn finds a rent assistance program and gets a decent apartment for $50 a month.  Blah Blah Blah her section of the show is so boring right now.  She sees a problem, she fixes it.  She's responsible.....BORING.  Oh and btw, Isaac poops the pants right when they agree to get the apartment.  Probably because he just realized that his dad lives in a mansion sized home and he’s going to be living in this crappy apartment.  Moving on…

Chelsea

FACEPALM.  That’s how I feel when I have to write about her.  Apparently Adam and his barbed wire tattoo want to get back together.  Also if you want to get back together you let someone know with a private message through Facebook (write that down).  However Chelsea doesn’t have the time to worry about the Facebook message because she re-tore her ACL tripping up the stairs…….seriously…..she makes me so sad.  Her mom comes over in her best Kindergarten Halloween T-shirt and pumpkin earrings and says that they need to go to the hospital.  Well, they find out that Cheslea needs surgery again.  She tells her family that Adam is going to help take care of the baby.  Btw, she wants to get back with him too (surprise!).  Chelsea decides to talk to her friend Tiffany about getting back together with Adam.  Tiffany is less than excited but they all know that Chelsea’s going to make the same mistake so there’s not really an argument made about it at all.  Chelsea tries to justify it by saying her heart is hurting…..whatever.  Cheslea goes to talk to her sugar daddy (well actually daddy) Randy and he says that he sees that she has a new friend on facebook.  Btw- I really want to be Randy’s facebook friend.  We could discuss teeth whitening and maybe he could buy me a nice house to live in rent free.  A girl can dream right?  Randy is disappointed in Chelsea’s decision but Chelsea doesn’t seem to care.  I’d like to see Chelsea try to survive if her dad cuts her off.  I mean the girl can’t take a GED to save her life.  In the end Chelsea and Adam are back together…yay…..facepalm.

LEAH

Leah’s exhausted because after a full day of work she has to go pick up the girls AND put them to bed still.  Welcome to reality Leah.  Corey and Leah put the girls to bed and then talk about Ali’s doctor appointment.  Corey’s still wearing that old stringy nasty hat and he still doesn’t open his mouth when he talks so I don’t really know anything that he said.  Honey, open your mouth please.  Then MTV won’t have to pay to add subtitles when you talk.  It’s time for Ali’s doctor appointment.  Ali’s eyes are doing better so she won’t need surgery but her optic nerves are smaller than normal.  Now usually I don’t put my personal life into these blogs but my daughter’s optic nerves are also smaller than normal and we had to go through the same process that Leah’s going through.  It sucks and they cannot give you a true diagnosis.  They just tell you to wait and that you won’t know anything until her eyes fully develop.  It sucks and I feel for her.  For this reason I am not going to make fun of her Pamela Anderson Halloween wig hair this episode.  I will wait until next week.  After the appointment Leah calls her mom to discus the appointment and let’s her know that Ali’s going to need an M-R-EYE of the brain.  She has a convo with Corey about it too and Leah says that she’s not going to accept that Ali has brain damage until it has been proven by a specialist.   The next day they go to Corey’s parent’s house and the other twin, Aleeah, takes her first 2 steps.  In response Ali gives her twin the “honey badger don’t give a damn” face.  Corey’s stepmom says that her WebMd research shows that Ali may lose vision in her eye.  Btw, just a tip.  Don’t ever google or WebMd anything.  You will always get the worst case scenario.  Always. 

Jenelle

Well Jenelle and Kiefer are living in her car and things aren’t going so well because well for one, they’re LIVING IN HER CAR and two, Kiefer started drinking again (raise your hand if you think he never stopped drinking).  It scares me that she doesn’t seem that concerned about being kicked out of her house and not being able to be her son but I’m not surprised.  Jenelle calls her friend Amber (i.e. Miranda Lambert) and asks if they can shower over there.  They are SO grody.  I feel like if I could smell them through the screen it would be B.O. mixed with sweat and depression.  Jenelle decides to go to the library but Kieffer doesn’t want to go.  He’d rather go to the “Sweepstakes” instead.  Question.  Does anyone know what the “Sweepstakes” are?  On the drive to the sweepstakes they get mad because all Kiefer talks about is weed, alcohol or drugs.  Oh, what a winner.  Later Miranda Lambert and Jenelle have a heart to heart about Kieffer.  She says that she realizes that she sacrifices time with her son to spend time with Kieffer.  Sad that she doesn’t seem to understand how damaging that is to her son…..  Later the gang all decide to go bowling.  During this scene we get some notable sayings such as “Planet fun is down the road!” and “Let’s bizzounce!”  Jenelle is mad because Kieffer has alcohol and she doesn’t like it.  Her friend, we’ll call him Howdy Doody, is pissed because he drove all this way and people are unhappy.  Jenelle tells Kieffer to take one more drink and she’ll knock him out.  Kieffer takes a drink and Jenelle goes ballistic.  She throws Howdy Doody’s change purse at Kieffer.  Howdy Doody gets pissed (“That was my chaaaange purse Jenelle!!!”).  What ensued was like a crazy episode of Cops without the cops.  Jenelle’s friends just stand there and watch.   I believe it’s time for  a Loveisrespect.org plug annnnnnnnnnnd there it is!  Does anyone else think those little 30 second spots  are MTV’s special way of saying “Please don’t sue us for showing domestic violence on TV?” 

Next week in Teen Mom land.  Kailyn tries to secretly move out. Jenelle goes to get a restraining order against Kieffer.  Chelsea and Adam fight at the hospital (surprise) and Leah takes Ali for her MRI.

Did I miss anything?  Spell someone's name wrong?  Hate my blog?  Leave me a comment and let me know.  I won't promise that I'll read them but I'll comment either way.

Teen Mom 2 : Homelessness is the new Black

^^The same look I give when I watch this show.

Guess who’s back.  Once again.  Teen Mom’s back.  Tell a friend. 

I’m baaaaack and I’m here to recap the ever loving crap out of Teen Mom 2!!!

Kailyn

Kailyn, the cowardly lion, is still dating Jordan.  Ummm how can I say this without being mean…..Jordan is such a tool.  Seriously I think Kailyn and her sour puss face can do so much better but it’s whatever makes her happy I guess.  Kailyn calls Jo to ask if she can get Isaac early for trick- or-treating and they have a civilized conversaion.  Yay!  Since Jo’s not filming another rap video for youtube I guess he’s willing to be more accommodating.  I’ll admit it.  It’s nice to see them be nice to each other.  It’s healthy.  You don’t see healthy on this show a lot.  Jordan, Kailyn and Isaac go trick or treating together and everyone has a great time…..yawn.  They’re so normal it’s boring. 

Leah

Leah’s been at home with the twins and she’s wanting to get out with those hot new Pamela Anderson late Baywatch days blond extensions and partaaay!!!  She tells Corey that she wants to get a job and Corey seems less than thrilled.  Leah sells him on the idea by saying that she can earn some gas money.  I guess the gas prices are affecting everyone these days.  Corey thinks that she’ll flirt with everyone.  Now I know ppl are like “Well she has twins and lives in a trailer” but seriously she’s probably the hottest commodity in West Virginia so I understand where he’s coming from.    Leah goes on the job hunt (enter minimum wage job hunt montage).  She finally gets a call from her mom saying that there’s job opening at the dental office.  Since I guess there’s no experience needed to work with teeth at this place she goes and interviews and immediately gets the job.  Corey’s still worried about her cheating (foreshadowing anyone?) but he is happy for her.

Chelsea

Chelsea’s studying for her GED.  Good lord I know this show’s been off the air for a bit but how long does it take?  Seriously?  Adam wants to come back in the picture (more than likely because he’ll be on camera again) and Chelsea is taking the bait because she just loves punishment.  Adam comes over and Chelsea gives Aubrey a nice big bottle of apple juice and puts her hair in that nice wavy style for a reunion.  Adam’s trying to weasel his way to some Teen Mom 2 money and Chelsea’s eating it up.   She talks to her mom about Adam and her mom tells her that Adam is no good and to just stay single.  Chelsea still wants to see him though.   I know he’s not the only guy in South Dakota with no life and a barb wire tattoo.  Seriously Chelsea, get some self esteem and get it fast.  Oh and get that GED one day too. 

Jenelle

So Jenelle’s been sneaking around with Kieffer because Barb doesn’t want them to be together (for obvious reasons).   Jenelle’s friends (well the 2 loyal ones she has) try to warn her about Kieffer.  Btw- doesn’t the girl look like a young Miranda Lambert?  Just me?  Ok.  Anywho Jenelle’s not listening because she loves living on the edge (which leads to living on the street) so we all see how this is going to end up.   Finally what we’ve all been waiting for.  Barb and Jenelle start their fight.  Barb is mad because she says Jenelle was out too late and she has to go to work (in the meat department at Wal-Mart) and she can’t be late.   I just feel so bad for Jace.  Good lord, through all this he just sits there and takes it all in.  What a disaster.   She calls Kieffer and he walks down the street (literally, you know bc he lives on the street) to comfort her.  Btw- how does he have a phone?  Isn’t he homeless?  Who pays that bill?  Finally it’s Halloween and Jenelle meets up with Kieffer who is standing on the side of the road waiting for her to drive up.  They hang out and then Jenelle gives him her car so he can hang out with friends.  They do this exchange and then Kieffer drops her off…..right in front of the house….because we know Barb’s not going to be watching her at all right?  #Epicfail.  Barb right on cue confronts Jenelle and the fight that I’ve been waiting 55 minutes for finally begins!

Now due to the accents and craziness it’s a little hard to hear it all but I got the jist of it. 

Barb: Well Jenelle I seen you with Kieffaaah!  Get out!!!

Jenelle:  “I can touch my child.  Get the f*ck off, stupid b*tch!”  ßhow is she still alive?  My mom would’ve murdered me and she would’ve used this episode to prove just cause.

(Barb gives the baby to her boyfriend Mike)

Barb: “Ya done!” and Barb throws Jenelle’s clothes out the door.

(It’s like an episode of Cops without the cops.)

Barb: “I hope yah have fun living in the f*cking street with yah booooooyfrieeeend!!!   (EPIC)

Barb: I thought you broke up with this son of a b*tch.  Tell yah boyhfriennd to come pick you up!”

Barb: Yah to selfish to take care of yah kid yah little b*tch!”  - door slam.

As you can tell, Barb won the fight by a mile with her clothes throwing skills and her awesome comments.   Trick or treating should be nice and awkward since I’m guessing that all of their neighbors crack the blinds so they can watch every second of this.

Next week:

Kailyn worries about bills (yawn).

Leah goes to the doctor to talk about her child’s condition.

Chelsea goes back to Adam.

Jenelle and Kieffer fight.

Stay with me people.  It’s bound to get better from here right?  

Jersey Shore: Season 4, Episode 10- Brought to you by the letter "V" as in Vino

Ok, it’s a new week and a new episode!

This week we get to see the wreckage from what happened last week.  We get to see Snooki do the walk of shame from Vinny’s bed to her room.  Since she’s been drunk 24-7 since flying into Florence she has no idea what happened.  So she decides to go out for mimosas with J-Woww.  J-Woww tells Snooki how Mike told everyone about them hooking up and Snooki is pissed.  I mean she yelled out “crazy pants!!” at him at like 7 in the morning so you know she’s mad. I would be mad too.  She probably caught something. 

During all this Sitch calls his friend “The Unit” (really? The Unit?) and goes all white boy gangsta on the phone while talking about what happened b/t him and Snooki.  Why is he still bragging about this?  I mean Snooki’s gotten on nearly half the house, she isn’t really such a prized commodity is she?  He decides in his best “I smashed my face into a wall” head to make up a lie and say that he gave “The Unit" Jionni’s number and see “who the rat is”.   Pauly D thinks this is hilarious (probably because he’s the only one who stays out of all the drama). While I normally think Mike is an idiot I think he’s really doing all of this just to prove he is right and that Snooki is lying.  Whatever.  MTV needs the ratings so here we go!!

Back to mimosas.  After Snooki and JWoww go out for their daily drink sans food they go running through the streets of Italy.  Snooki is carrying a luggage case with her.  I’m guessing that is just so she’ll be ready to go as they could deport these idiots at any time.  She chases down a nun and then does cartwheels in the street……totally normal.  She also buys a HUGE bottle of wine (I mean HUGE) and proceeds to accidentally drop it and shatter it in the process.  I bet that bottle of wine costs as much as I make in a month and she just laughs it off.  FML….why did I go to college?

Anywho they make their way back to the house and the minute Snooki hears that Sitch may have ratted her out she starts running through the house like a crazy woman throwing anything she can at him.   No one tries to stop this fight.  Mike’s bobbing and weaving (kind of like Snooki did on him) and trying to get away from little 4’9” Snooki.  All Snooki can do is yell and say “Fuck you!” (i.e. she’s guilty).  Btw- wth is going on with Sitch’s hair in Italy this season?  It looks like a weasel died on his head.

The gang splits up for some unknown reason.  The girls go to a wine tasting tour in Tuscany and the boys go to visit Vinny’s family in Sicily.  Snooki and JWoww have a mini argument since Snooki doesn’t want to get up.  Does anyone notice how Snooki keeps saying that JWoww is a bad best friend but really Snooki is the crappy friend??  Just saying.  Anywho they put on their dresses that show the least cleavage and their best church hats (Snooki’s is cheetah print of course) and head out the door. 

In order from L to R: Ronnie, Vinnie, Small Vinny, Medium Vinny, Pauly D, Sitch

The guys arrive at Sicily and Vinny’s family comes out.  I mean the entire family came out for a chance to be on TV, I mean a chance to meet Vinny.  They have a 1000 course dinner and look at old pictures.  The best part is really Sitch being hit by a soccer ball in the junk.  The cast has been wanting to do that all season.  Good times (Ryan yawn). 

^^^"I've been drunk since I got to Italy"

The girls go on the wine tour at an old castle.  They really aren’t interested in the history of the wine at all.  They just pretty much want to get wasted and make it look classy.  They get their wine and start talking about Jionni.  JWoww tells Snooki the damage is done and to move on since she hooked up with Vinny.  Snooki gets pissed and ends up screaming and running out of the place and into the street.  She has no idea where to go though so it basically looks like she is running in circles.  Sometimes she needs a leash.   The rest of the wine tour is JWoww being on her phone while the man is talking and Snooki passing out on top of barrels of wine.  I’m almost done writing the“I’m Sorry from America” cards to Tuscany.  Great trip guys.

They get back to Florence and Snooki & J-Woww make up (she’s gotta keep her hot friend) and then she proceeds to call her dad.  Her dad tells her that Jionni changed his Facebook status to “single”.  Hahaha it’s not real if it’s not on FB is it?  She calls Jionni and they have an argument over the phone about the status change.  Then she tells Jionni that she and Vinny didn’t have sex but she slept in his bed and they "hooked up" or whatever.  Jionni says to tell Vinny he’s dead next time he sees him and then breaks up with her.  Lord what I would pay to see Super Mario and Lazy Eyed Vinny have it out…

Later Snooki puts on her best hot pink outfit and stunner shades (indoors) to call Jionni and try to win him back.  Does she know he can’t see her through the phone?  Anywho, Jionni is pissed but he must have checked his bank balance since then because he takes her back.  The funny part is AFTER all of this she finally decides to ask Vinny what actually happened.  He tells Snooki that they had sex.  She honestly can’t remember having sex with Vinny.  Has this happened to anyone?  Seriously please tell me what you drink to make that happen because I’ve gotten stupid messed up drunk before and forgot where I went or who I talked to but I’ve never forgotten if I’ve “done the diddy” or not.  Snooki ends up having to call Jionni and change her story (which should work out well) and that’s all she wrote folks.

 

"Did we smush or what?"

I guess we’ll have to wait until next week to watch Jionni break up with Snooki over the phone.  Also coming up next week Pauly D dives off the deep by seriously considering “getting it in” with Deena and they have an Intervention-like meeting with Sitch.  Stay with me people.  I recap just for you!!  Ciao!!